In the balcony...
Statler:
It's past my bedtime, when is this show going to be over?Waldorf:
Probably about the time we move to phpbb3.Choose Your Own Scummies Adventure! If you think that joke deserves a rimshot, press 15. If you think that joke deserves a groan, press 37. If you are xyzzy or always select the humourous third option, press 28.
mith:
Presenting the next set of awards, please welcome to the stage... Lord Gurgi!Lord Gurgi:
Blah blah blah... hey, who is messing with the teleprompter?(Teleprompter...ist):
I'm tired of writing this thing!Lord Gurgi:
Get over it. And stop trying to break the fourth wall. It won't work. No matter how utterly ridiculous and self-referential this thing becomes... what do you think is going to happen? It'll stop? There's no escape! Don't you get it? We're along for the ride until it's over.The audience isn't sure what to make of this, so several of them decide to go to the facilities. Pollsters are standing by to question them on their anatomy and bathroom habits. Crowd fillers, some looking suspiciously... stripy... take their places to prop up the illusion of a full auditorium.
Lord Gurgi:
With that in mind... The "George W. Bush" Award for Funniest Role Claim goes to... Awesome Pants, for his claim in Newbie 516!Dear Townies,
I don't think it's ethical to lie any more than I have, and vastly wrong to do so to my own friends, so I'll just admit who I am and hope that you can see through my ghastly role PM to my true colours. I'm calling upon the spirit of all you good natured townies to keep me alive.
I believe that, given time, I can be a valuable asset to the town. I have a wide range of skills, including being able to talk during night (albeit, recently it's just been to myself) as well as being exceptionally good at stabbing people.
All I'm asking for is a chance, I promise that I'll try and refrain myself from killing anyone at night, as well as stopping with all the lies. Although I'm not actually a doctor, I think I have the motivation and determination to succeed in that direction, if that is the path the townspeople wish for me to follow.
I am also very sorry for the murder of Booker and Incognito, and hope that you can realise that it was very much against my wishes to brutally kill them, although, having said that I must say that my stabbing prowess was brilliant on both counts. I hope that you can also realise that my friend and comrade, Crub, was also prematurely taken away from me and that part of my motives and anger at the town was because of this.
I hope that we can all have a long talk over a coffee or two, and promise that I will not bring any knifes to the meeting, nor will I attempt to stab using any kitchen utensils avaliable at the time.
Also, as a sign of good faith, here is an artist's (yes, yet another skill I possess!) representation of how I vision we will be living together in a short time!
All in all, I hope that you all can consider this proposal before needlessly spilling more blood. I am happy for any questions to be directed at me regarding my work ethic and emotional status. I am also single, and very good looking as the picture above clearly shows.
Yours in good faith,
Your local mafia scumbag,
Awesome Pants
I don't think it's ethical to lie any more than I have, and vastly wrong to do so to my own friends, so I'll just admit who I am and hope that you can see through my ghastly role PM to my true colours. I'm calling upon the spirit of all you good natured townies to keep me alive.
I believe that, given time, I can be a valuable asset to the town. I have a wide range of skills, including being able to talk during night (albeit, recently it's just been to myself) as well as being exceptionally good at stabbing people.
All I'm asking for is a chance, I promise that I'll try and refrain myself from killing anyone at night, as well as stopping with all the lies. Although I'm not actually a doctor, I think I have the motivation and determination to succeed in that direction, if that is the path the townspeople wish for me to follow.
I am also very sorry for the murder of Booker and Incognito, and hope that you can realise that it was very much against my wishes to brutally kill them, although, having said that I must say that my stabbing prowess was brilliant on both counts. I hope that you can also realise that my friend and comrade, Crub, was also prematurely taken away from me and that part of my motives and anger at the town was because of this.
I hope that we can all have a long talk over a coffee or two, and promise that I will not bring any knifes to the meeting, nor will I attempt to stab using any kitchen utensils avaliable at the time.
Also, as a sign of good faith, here is an artist's (yes, yet another skill I possess!) representation of how I vision we will be living together in a short time!
All in all, I hope that you all can consider this proposal before needlessly spilling more blood. I am happy for any questions to be directed at me regarding my work ethic and emotional status. I am also single, and very good looking as the picture above clearly shows.
Yours in good faith,
Your local mafia scumbag,
Awesome Pants
Lord Gurgi:
Unfortunately for Awesome Pants, "happily ever after" is just for fairy tales and poorly designed games. Next we have the "Johnny Cochrane" Award for Best Role Claim. The winner is... Claus!Well, the cat is out of the bag know, so I might as well claim.
I'm Zetsu, the Akatsuki Spy - a neutral.
My win condition is that I have to eliminate 3 Akatsuki by my own hands (not lynching) before dying. The flavor is that I'm a loner and a cannibal - I'm using the confusion caused by the struggle between loyalists and rebels to fullfill my own agenda. If I can kill that number of ninjas, I'll improve my "meld with objects" skill, which mean that when I die, I just get away and leave the game.
So, I guess I won. You can vig/lynch me now if that will give you a sense of fulfillment,
Also, this is why I was pushing for the "vig, not lynch" policy - I wanted to be the executioner. Because if you think about it, Battousai is right, there is no real reason not to lynch - people can rearrange their blocks after every lynch, and I bet the town's power roles also get to go after lynchings.
Finally, I actually do think Sleepy is a rebel - while his "modkill him!" pleas confirm it to me, the way that he pushed after my death using wifom, and the way he tried to tie me and battousai together just smells of opportunism. While I have my own win condition, I think I owed it to the town to try and kill a scum with my last killing after having hit townies by mistake two times in a row. The "report" was just a joke - It's a game folks!
.
Go Town/Rebels! *goes to grab some popcorn*:-D
I'm Zetsu, the Akatsuki Spy - a neutral.
My win condition is that I have to eliminate 3 Akatsuki by my own hands (not lynching) before dying. The flavor is that I'm a loner and a cannibal - I'm using the confusion caused by the struggle between loyalists and rebels to fullfill my own agenda. If I can kill that number of ninjas, I'll improve my "meld with objects" skill, which mean that when I die, I just get away and leave the game.
So, I guess I won. You can vig/lynch me now if that will give you a sense of fulfillment,
Also, this is why I was pushing for the "vig, not lynch" policy - I wanted to be the executioner. Because if you think about it, Battousai is right, there is no real reason not to lynch - people can rearrange their blocks after every lynch, and I bet the town's power roles also get to go after lynchings.
Finally, I actually do think Sleepy is a rebel - while his "modkill him!" pleas confirm it to me, the way that he pushed after my death using wifom, and the way he tried to tie me and battousai together just smells of opportunism. While I have my own win condition, I think I owed it to the town to try and kill a scum with my last killing after having hit townies by mistake two times in a row. The "report" was just a joke - It's a game folks!
.Go Town/Rebels! *goes to grab some popcorn*:-D
Lord Gurgi:
One more award, and then I can get the hell out of here...JDodge:
Uh... LG? Why don't you have any pants on?Lord Gurgi:
Really? My pants? Come on!(Voice):
You're supposed to say that someone with the manipulation skill of our next award winner must have talked them off of you.Lord Gurgi:
But that's stupid
.(Voice):
We know. Say it.Lord Gurgi:
Or what?Several thugs hired from Team Asshat edge toward the stage looking menacing.
Lord Gurgi:
Gulp. Can I just say one thing?(Voice):
What?Lord Gurgi:
You suck. Also, the "Don Corleone" Award for ow! Best Manipulator hey cut it out! is... Kison!Because, Xtoxm, this game doesn't make sense. I left a .1% window that he is not scum, and I'm a very cautious type of guy. Discussion does not hurt. His insistence that he targeted me only makes me more certain, however. For one, I am alive yet I have no self protecting ability that I am aware of and you have not stated that you protected me. Secondly, I see two arrows linking him to a player he claims not to have targeted. And judging by Lawrencelot's reaction, my results contradict what Rogueben is claiming. Convenient for a guy who has failed to provide us a unique dead body 3 days in a row when he is supposedly forced to kill.
While the highlights roll, Lord Gurgi runs off stage and is chased by Team Asshat, who finally catch up to him. They simultaneously leap on him, and it's a repeat of one of those cartoon fights where it becomes a big ball of dust and fists and none of the attackers can see anything, allowing Lord Gurgi to slip away. Then, an anvil crushes him.
molestargazer (whisper):
The game continues, from a new secret location! Let's check in on the town, in a precarious lynch-or-lose situation...KaleiÃ
