This is an amusing thread. Here's one for a Mini:
Psychopath/Suicidal Cult Leader/Mafia Godfather/Wrath of God/Unlyncher/Polygamous Lover/Forced Vigilante/Jester:
My, what a prediciment you're in. It appears that you're an escapee from the insane asylum suffering from the rare (much debated and possibly fake) psychopathology of Disassociative Identity Disorder. And my, what interesting personalities you have.
As "Secret Agent Fox Mulder,"you are the founder of The Cult of Icky Oiliens. You think the world is going to end because the Oiliens have taken up residence in the brains of pretty much everyone you know. (Only they don't know this). Your goal is to make everyone aware of this awful afflication, and then all kill yourselves to save what's left of the world. But you can only win if everyone is a cultist before you all die. (So you're in it for the dolphins and the rain forest, basically.)
As "Don Corleone," you're the Mafia Godfather from one of those old school families where if you die, all your associates (____, ___, ____, & ____) do themselves in. Because they're just that loyal to you. You're immune from all night actions. Your goal is to outnumber the townies and then kill them all. (I hear there's a lovely discount when youbuy cement shoes in bulk.)
As "Little Timmy," you're an innocent school boy and you don't like death. If someone kills you, that person dies. If someone hammers on your bandwagon, that person dies. Because God doesn't like it when people kill innocent children. Not at all. You win if you survive. (Maybe you can hide in a well to avoid all the death and violence...it really does bad things to a kid's psyche.)
As "Big Jake," the body guard, your job is to make sure that Super Starlet Candi Peaches survives to perform at her sold out arena concert. But if she dies, her manager will kill you. You win with the town. (Maybe you should have stuck to being a leopard tamer.)
As "Jebidiah Ezekiel Ehemann," you're a happily married father of 53. And you have six wives (____, ____, ____, ____, ___, &____), whom you each love dearly. So much so that if were one of them to die, you'd die from grief. Likewise, if you were to die, your wives would all die from grief. Only problem is they don't know you're a polygamist (with a name like that, how could they?), so if they find out that you're married multiple times, they'll kill themselves, which will lead their respective families into killing you in horrible, nasty, evil ways. So you better keep it a secret...you win with the town. (Aren't you glad you're a traveling insurance salesman?)
As "Crazy Fred," you're a veteran of the War of Jenkins' Ear suffering posttraumatic stress disorder. (Nevermind the fact that that war happened back in colonial times). You don't like the fact that there are evil bad people around. They remind you of the French...or was it the Spanish...or maybe those bloody Hapsburgs...anyway you can't stand them. So every night you must grab your trust sword and go a-killin'. And if you can't decide who to kill, you have to kill yourself. You win with the town.(Man, I always wanted to be a veteran of a cool sounding war like that...)
As "Jingles," the famed tv personality/children's entertainer (well at least you were before they found those...er...interesting...photos of you with Little Susie...er...sitting on your...er...lap...) Ever since then, life has been hell for you, with all those lawsuits and restraining orders...really you just want to kill yourself. But since you're a good Catholic, heck you even dreamed of going to seminary when you were but a wee one, you can't. Oh no, to get to heaven, the majority of the town must decide it's better if you parted with this world. You must be lynched in order to win. (Well, then at least Little Susie's parents will be happy.)
In order to win, you must satisfy all of your win conditions.
Oh...but I forgot the most important thing. Since you still have all that medication in your system, you're a little dopey. You can't form coherent words, or talk at all. Now ain't that a shame?
