Attempt #3:
Hello Jurors,
I am honored to be here after this long journey. Along the way, I met great competitors and this was easily the most difficult game I have ever played. I learned a lot about myself, about each of you, and about what I am capable of adapting to. I'll attempt to explain my journey and my feelings about each of you.
(NOTE: My original speech was 7600 words so thank the mods for that gift.)
Camp Ivanhoe (relevant to Merge):
Spoiler
Early on, several social players stood out: Richie, Young and Suzy. I could see myself working with and against later on in the game. I also made strong connections with Gustave and Duke.
After the auction, an alliance came together called Society of the Crossed Keys (SOTCK) between myself, Suzy, Writer, Richie & Herman (the minimum bidders). In addition, The 4 Horsemen (4H) formed between Richie, myself, Anthony & Gustave. I was in a pretty good social position with two different avenues for information. In addition, Suzy and I had a big heart to heart and I saw her as someone I could work with long term.
When Richie "was forced" to mutiny to the other side and Peter mutinied, discussions went south. Peter went against Young Writer who had asked us to vote Sam. I felt like I was walking on eggshells, but sided with Writer. My relationship with Duke blossomed, which lead to him gifting me the Dog Flu Serum, a fact I kept secret until it became relevant. He sided with us in the vote and we got through 6-4.
Trash Island (relevant to merge):
Spoiler
I was put on this tribe with Anthony (who just voted Gustave) and Gustave. I also got to officially meet Madame D. and Margot Tenenbaum, both of which I'd met during the cross-communication round. Margot shared information with me and as a result I had an established relationship with her. Madame was also very sweet. Herman, Gustave, Suzy and myself formed a 4 person group "Ivanwho? Bark bark!". After Madame won immunity, we had two choices: Anthony or Margot. If we were to vote out Margot, and Duke, Richie and Writer somehow survived the vote on the other side, sending Margot home at this tribal would look awful. So we made the choice to let go of Anthony in order to help the others we were worried about.
The Peter Vote:
Spoiler
There were two people I hadn't chatted much with at this point: Buckley and Royal. I did my best to try to reconnect with Peter and get to know Buckley and Royal. Buckley and I formed a fast friendship which prompted a PM group with Buckley and Duke called BARK BARK BARK (BBB). In BBB, we literally just barked, which filled me with so much joy. In addition, I recommended Margot and Madame talk to Duke after they asked me if there was someone I trusted. It was an instant match and we formed a group called Across The Stars (ATS). The 4H group sans Anthony sort of came back together, even though we went on to be at each other's throats.
During this round, I was informed that I was "popular", "didn't make enemies" and "was well liked". I began to realize if I kept on this trajectory I was eventually going to get voted out for being "too likable". I began to start to think of ways that I could lessen that.
After Margot won immunity, the old members of SOTCK re-formed (kind of, it was shaky). However, concerns about Peter not supporting Writer during the mutiny round came up. It was determined that was the best path for the vote.
To Peter: I think you probably scared me the most out of anyone in the game. You had no problem shaking things up, as evidenced by Foxy's vote and how you approached me the mutiny round. However, I liked how forward you were and enjoyed that you came in and tried to break things up. It's probably how I would have played from a minority situation and I admire that fighting spirit in you.
Buckley Quits Round:
Spoiler
You quit early into the round, but I just want to say a few things.
To Buckley: One of my goals was all 3 dogs in a chat, just barking at each other. I had so much fun with you in the BBB PM. I was absolutely devastated when you left because I thought you would be incredible to work with. I very much enjoyed the dog spirit we shared in our many barking PMs with one another. Wish we had more time. Ear Droop.
The Writer Vote:
Spoiler
As a result of me being in both SOTCK and ATS, I suggested Royal to be the vote and was met with resistance. Richie, Writer, Madame and Margot pretty much shot me down. From that point on I started being wary because Royal and I hadn't had a really solid connection. The scope of what I was thinking had to change. I backed off, however Writer suggested Gustave and Duke. That wasn't going to fly with me, so I went to Gustave and fessed up to being in SOTCK and that his name came up. Well that kind of backfired because Gustave went around starting to stir the pot. However, it turned out Richie leaked this information and so I ran with it. I also suggested a Writer vote to the members of ATS because:
1. I had been walking on eggshells to try to keep his "friends" happy.
2. When I pitched Royal in SOTCK, he said "I don't want anything that has to do with a pagong."
3. When Madame's name was brought up later, he was fine with it.
This told me that he only wanted to go far with "friends" and I would have to rely heavily on him if I didn't do something about it. In any case, the only name SOTCK could agree on that round was Madame.
It was around this time Gustave started to pitch a vote split. I had no idea how this would work. So I went to Duke and told him about the option against Madame and decided that it would be fine so we could proceed in the next round with the numbers to go for the other members of SOTCK.
I suspected the round might tie, and if it did, I would need to utilize the additional 24 hours I had in order to gather information. During this time, I was able to confirm that Richie had been lying to me about several things. I went to Suzy, compared notes and decided we were done trying to play Richie's game. Despite Suzy leaking back to Richie minutes before the end of the round, I flipped my vote with Suzy.
To Writer: You deserve an apology. I told you something that made it seem like I wouldn't vote you, and then I did. I had a number of frustrations with you including the Peter situation. I decided I wanted to play my own game rather than be put in a situation where I could be picked off in favor of your friends. However, I didn't tell you what I was doing or how I was feeling. I'm truly sorry if I hurt you on a personal level. I told you I would give you thoughts on an animorphs video you shared with me. Let's chat more about the video later now that I've watched it, but I will leave you with, "My Andelite don't want none unless you got bun-zuh."
The Herman Vote:
Spoiler
Before results were up, Duke made a chat with myself, Herman, Suzy and Gustave known as 5vanhoe, 5VH. Duke had to act like he was blindsided and I informed Gustave a few minutes prior which gave genuine reactions. During the revote, Suzy and I didn't inform Herman that we were flipping and he was blindsided. However, without Writer, Herman needed somewhere to turn, so temporarily we were all in on 5VH.
In order to do damage control I decided to lay low, made easier when Duke, Margot, and I won the challenge (which I was asked to throw). So in a show of good faith, I decided to let others have "what they want". Margot and Madame made it clear they wanted Herman out, while Herman and Gustave wanted Madame. If a Madame vote went through, 5VH would be the majority alliance. Unfortunately, a leak gave Royal and Richie enough information to piece this together and it spread like wildfire close to the deadline. At that point, I needed to save face as Duke was spooked and with Gustave, we flipped to Herman.
Thoughts on Herman: You are a true and loyal guy. Although our communication broke down, you were all in on 5VH. I think your inherent ability to trust is admirable. It was an unfortunate series of circumstances that lead to your demise and it wasn't something I was intending to do. I'm really sorry I ended up voting you, but there wasn't another option with Suzy gone. I think this whole round was a bungled mess and you didn't deserve to go.
The Duke Quit Round:
Spoiler
In prior rounds, I had messages from Richie telling me how I was part of a pair and how I was the perceived social member. I already knew this since I was in multiple groups with Duke, talked him up with people, and we drew each other pictures in the art round. Richie was someone I absolutely wanted out because he was a smooth talker and most seemed to be on board to vote him.
Then Richie won immunity. This put me in an awkward spot because in ATS, the options to vote were Gustave, Suzy and Royal. Due to Gustave and Suzy being good allies, I suggested Royal. This was a risk as I suspected people would leak, which they did, however I'd been talking with Royal to see if we could work something out. But on paper it was the only option I could suggest without landing in hot water. Madame and Margot pushed back so I was ready to bow my head and give in. Then Duke came online and started pushing Royal. This put me in an awkward situation where I had to support Duke. After Herman left, Suzy, myself, Gustave and Duke formed a group called 4vanhoe 4VH (which made me laugh) and originally thought, Margot sounded like a good option since she was vulnerable.
At this time, Richie began telling people to vote Gustave. He already knew about 5VH last time and it was likely the remnants would form 4VH. He wasn't wrong, but 4VH felt like my best path to the end. I came up with a plan since we saw this vote heading towards a tie: we would vote Royal. I highly suspected no one would flip and it might be the only time rocks was truly considered. If Madame and Margot didn't budge, then five people would be up for elimination in rocks. This was the only chance I saw where we might take out Margot or Madame in the rock draw to remain intact. A 40% chance seemed like decent odds, so I said fuck it and was all in for it. I hoped then next round that I could talk to Royal and see if we could work something out.
And then Duke quit. And I went into a downward spiral.
Thoughts on Duke: You were my rock. You really kept me together in times I wasn't even sure what I was doing. You supported me every step of the way and I never doubted you. Seeing you go out this way was ruff. There's a bond between you and I that I treasure. You just get me. I hope to be lifelong friends with you after. You have one of the biggest hearts I've ever seen.
The Royal Vote:
Spoiler
Duke left and I began sobbing. I potentially had ruined my relationships with Madame and Margot, definitely ruined my relationship with Royal, and had been willing to gamble my own place in this game. Then the post from Royal got posted and was the cherry on top of a shittastic day. However, once I calmed down, I re-read it and saw that Royal had given me a gift. He'd publicly stated something that showed what I was doing to reduce my threat level was working. I was no longer part of a scary pair, Suzy and Gustave were both still in the game, and Royal offered himself up as an easy vote.
So after Margot won immunity yet again, we all came to a decision, with some hesitancy, that lead to the vote out of Royal.
Thoughts on Royal: Dude I owe you an apology. You saw what I was doing and to a certain degree I wanted to be seen that way. After I'd been sobbing from Duke quitting I was ready to put the knives down. But then you posted and it was clear my attempt at a genuine apology wasn't seen as such. This game didn't do us many favors, but I saw you as a rival for a position in the game. From a game perspective, anyone who is that protected is a major threat, however on a personal level, I really just fucked up whatever relationship we could've had. I'm not saying I'm solely to blame, however I didn't help. I am sorry. You deserve that much from me at least. I wish we'd had more time to further some of our conversations. You don't have to believe me, but I don't have anything to hide. I took the advice you gave me to heart, and tried to rectify some of the things you said I was doing poorly. Thank you for the reality check, I needed the reminder. I also hope you had a great trip and got what you needed from it.
The Margot Vote:
Spoiler
After Royal left, there seemed to be a split: Me/Suzy/Gustave versus Richie/Madame/Margot. Richie won the challenge and with Margot not immune, it was now or risk her winning the final challenges.
Suzy and Gustave were fine with it, however Suzy expressed reservations about rocks and I wanted to support her. It was a stalemate for awhile, however I tried something. Assuming Suzy wouldn't go to rocks, I had to consider potentially voting out Gustave. I didn't like this and it would leave me vulnerable, however the walls were closing in. I tried selling Margot to Richie, but after having pushed for her as a vote during final 8, he instead now wanted Gustave out more than anyone else. So then my only avenue left was Madame.
However Gustave decided to tell Madame that he wouldn't consider me and Suzy which made Madame hesitant.
I approached Suzy and decided to try something. What if we threw our cards in on Madame? Talks with Madame indicated she might be interest. In that moment, Suzy and I decided to suggest a final 3 with Madame. Either she would be compelled to vote Margot, or we would vote Gustave with her in order to avoid rocks.
I wasn't sure if I'd done enough to pull it off, but about 2-3 hours before the vote, I got a message from Suzy that Madame was in and voting Margot. I had to stare in disbelief that we pulled off avoiding a tie. While this was going on Richie decided I was a bigger threat and got Margot on board. So this saved my game as we got the 4 votes and Margot went home.
Thoughts on Margot: You are an incredible challenge performer and an open and honest person. We had incredible discussions of balancing threats and non threats. For a few rounds that is how things worked out. I wish we'd gotten to do more "non game" talk in the final rounds we spent together. Nonetheless, you were one hell of a competitor and I liked your approach to the game. It was what drew me to you, and made you a big threat. I hope you can see that your vote was strictly business, but I do want to talk more post game and keep getting to know you.
The Suzy Blindside:
Spoiler
Suzy, Madame, myself and Gustave were posed to be the f4, however Richie was the final obstacle. In addition, I suspected and shared my suspicions with at least Madame that I thought he had an idol, which was sort of confirmed from the Royal public post two rounds prior. However, I didn't have a back up plan.
Once again Richie won the challenge. This meant I had to vote out someone who had just saved me from being the boot. Suzy made it clear that she wanted to get to the end and had no confidence in her ability to win challenges. We decided to honor our agreement that we made with Madame or else we would feel really gross. Richie also swore that voting out Gustave was his preference and couldn't vote Madame because of rings. So with three people telling me Gustave was the vote, I awkwardly told Gustave.
Then the idol was played, I shit my pants, and Suzy went home.
Thoughts on Suzy: Suzy, I adored you this game and you know that. We broke down barriers and formed quite a tight pairing. Together we moved mountains with our moves. Sam warned everyone that you and I would be a dangerous pair and we proved him right. I had so much fun playing with you. I would've been honored to sit next to you here and I think you played an incredible game. Thank you for being my partner in crime.
The Madame Vote:
Spoiler
Against all odds, Gustave, Madame, Richie and myself were f4. I warned Madame in advance that there was a chance things get awkward for me if Richie won again. I gave the challenge everything I had and came close to being immune, losing the tiebreaker. Richie was guaranteed the end and I knew what choice I had to make. I took a page out of Royal's criticisms and rather than lie and lead Madame on, I told her what I was doing. Roughly 20 hours later, Madame was voted out.
Thoughts on Madame: AwoooOOOooOoOOoOOOoo. I absolutely loved sharing music with you this game. You helped pick me up during a really dark spot in this game for me. And I know you went to bat for me multiple times. I absolutely hated voting for you at f4. Even though my head knew it was right, my heart hated this. You reminded me that you can't just play with your head all the time and you have to actually weigh decisions based on your heart as well. There were things we did for each other to sacrifice our own protections and as we joked about, there are too many debts to repay. I appreciated you this game and I feel like our relationship was not born out of tribal lines, but of our mutual respect for one another. I appreciate you and I meant what I said when I said I'm glad we met this game.
In conclusion:
Spoiler
This game was one of the toughest games I've ever played. I have never felt more competent and less competent all at the same time. There were things I actively did to lessen my threat level at the merge. I tried to hear the information I was getting and play this game actively. If I felt like I was starting to play someone else's game, I did something else. I never stopped fighting to be here, despite two people quitting who I wanted to work with (I joke that I got the Aubrey Bracco experience I never wanted in my confessional), despite losing challenges by an agonizing one point or even a few minutes, and despite never truly being "individually" immune, I did what I absolutely had to do to be here. If I have hurt any of you on a personal level, I am truly sorry. At the end of the day, I had to wrestle with my head and heart. The choices I made got me here and I have to be proud that I applied mistakes of my past to get here. I turn the floor over to you and will do my best to answer any concerns or questions you have with me. I trust you are all smart enough to make the correct choice here and I hope you have come with an open mind are willing to hear me out. Thank you for taking time to read this.