Oracle,
My apologies for the delay--real life hasn't stopped coming in! One thing I'd like to hear from you first--you mention that you made serious improvements to your game after my announcement. For what it's worth, other jurors who departed after me echoed the same sentiments. Can you give me a few examples of what that looked like?
Hey Royal,
You are fine. Real life is a lot. I think this game evidenced that quite a bit. Between the quits, between everyone feeling overwhelmed, and a lot of stuff happening in the world right now, we all have lives beyond this game and I think that's sort of a theme this game in particular highlighted.
Well, I can start with the apology I gave you specifically before you made your public post. Even though I know that probably was taken as a half-hearted cover up like you know I'd been doing in rounds prior, that was probably the most genuine moment I had with you, at least from my perspective. I did attempt to highlight this in my opening speech, but I know you've had stuff going on so I'll try to re-iterate some of the examples I've been providing elsewhere.
Basically your post was a reality check for me. It was a double edged sword because on one hand what I was trying to do did work, but to a degree I realized I'd sort of gone too far. It was in that moment I had to look inside myself and think "okay this is what I've done, I only have a few rounds left, how do I fix it?"
I started by being more open, specifically with Madame and Margot and was also going to attempt to try to open a more honest and commited dialog with you, but you were busy you had shit going on. I did leave you a message that told you what I was hearing, however that never went responded and I totally understand why.
During the final 6, I finally opened up to Margot more about how she intimidated me. That took guts because Margot has such a unique approach in comparison to other cast members and that could have been risky, especially if she had an idol. But at that point, Margot is such a straight up kind of person, that if I didn't specifically say that, she was going to continue to have a bitter taste in her mouth about me because I'd been less than forward with her, and she knew that. Did she then try to vote me out after? Yeah but it didn't really shock me. Like I said the relationship between Margot and I was really good at one point and aside from helping to divert the vote away from her at f8, I didn't exactly make the best showing to maintain and keep that trust. So if I was going to vote for her, I needed to give her even a hint that's what I was thinking. As she stated in her thread, this was a specific example she actually appreciated because it did allow her to have a real dialog with me after, if that's something she actually wanted to have. This is not the Oracle who, a couple rounds ago wasn't being real with people and having "sneaky" agendas.
Also during the final 7 and 6, I had a big heart to heart with Madame & also with Suzy (I also think I said a few words to Gustave). It was one of the few times this game I allowed myself to be emotionally vulnerable and express how much Duke actually meant to me in this game and how I had to cope with the wake of his quit and also cope with the words you had given me. It was as real as one can be in an anonymous game. Showing that I'm not some put together doggo showed that I'm flawed and not perfect and that I was fine to let my walls come down a bit. When I play these games I can be guarded and try to always perceive everything, it's hard. It weighs on me. However, this I think allowed me to then have real dialogs with both Madame and Suzy where I wasn't just a player any more I was someone they saw as a friend. I think Suzy and I were pretty close prior, but it was a moment I felt helped bring us closer together. Same with Madame.
In addition, during this heart to heart, Madame expressed her frustrations with me in rounds prior. I acknowledged things I had been doing, the hurt I had caused, how sorry I was about things, and ultimately that I wanted to see how far she and I could go together. It was something I felt like I hadn't been able to do before because I'd locked myself into a path, however I had a new opportunity and I wanted to make the most of it. This lead to the final 6. Although Gustave didn't do me many favors that round, straight up saying he would never go against me or Suzy which didn't help the case with Madame much, Suzy and I decided we needed to do something to avoid rocks. I had put in the time and effort to show Madame I was serious about working with her for the rest of the game, so when Suzy also approached Madame and a final 3 came up, Madame decided to take that risk with us and vote for Margot. This is a moment that I don't think I could have achieved because I know Madame was probably still skeptical about me, no one changes that much in a round. It was because I gave an earnest effort to show good faith that I got some in return. This is not the Oracle I was from the f10-f8.
At final 5, Richie won immunity. This meant that no matter what I did, I had to vote for Suzy, Madame or Gustave. All 3 had just voted to keep me safe, and a lot of my own loyalty was called into question. However, after Madame took a huge risk on me, I didn't feel that voting her out right after would be right. This showed, at least to me, that it's okay for your heart and your head to be at odds because I'd developed the moral compass I'd been missing for the last few rounds. Suzy and Richie both also had given reasons why voting for Gustave made sense for them, so I agreed. However, that also conflicted with my relationship with Gustave because he'd been with me since day 1. We had worked hard to be with each other, talk with each other, and in general I trusted him a heck of a lot. So in order to provide some much needed "people management" as you stated, instead of letting someone else tell him the vote was on him, I opted to do that myself. I approached him and said that everyone was likely going to be voting him that round and I acknowledged how shitty of a thing that was for me to do after the game we had played together. On several occasions prior, he had told me that if at some point a time came where I had to vote for him, that as long as I told him, he would be okay with it. This was a hard moment for me, because no one wants to be told by a close ally that they are planning to vote for him. It's not a great thing to do.
He of course said in response he was a little miffed, but would rather I have told him than not. He also asked if this was in correspondance with some sort of deal that he knew existed between Madame and Suzy. I went on to explain that yes, that was part of it, and the only reason he and I didn't go home at 6 (because I'm pretty sure Suzy would not have gone to rocks there), was because I made that deal that spared us getting to 5. This helped him to understand where I was coming from.
Of course, we know how that played out, I voted for Gustave and Richie played his idol on Gustave (after saying he was going to vote him out with reasonings to me) and Suzy went home as a result. Given that I stuck to my word about the deal I made with Suzy and Madame, I felt this showed I didn't make deals lighthearted. I followed through with what I said I was going to do at that point.
At the final 4, Richie won immunity again. This is where my head and my heart struggled the most because I was at a final 4 with a guy who never did me any wrong this game and I had just attempted to vote out, and Madame who literally risked her own game to get to the end with me. This is where I had to decide to put my heart aside and think with my head. Who made sense to sit next to at the end? Logic pointed to Gustave given how the idol had once again changed the scope of the game. I didn't like this, but it made more sense to cut Madame (which she has acknowledged in her thread) than it did to cut Gustave. So I approached Madame and explained that I was planning to vote for her and I had figured she was planning to vote for me. She surprised me however when she said she was going approach Richie to vote for Gustave.
Now, I spent enough time with Richie this game to know how he thinks. He is always thinking in terms of "who can't I beat?" or rather "who is a threat to beat me?" Which to be fair is a good mindset to have in this game. It had been building for awhile, but he had been dropping hints to me during the final 5 that taking a stab at Madame here is what he wanted to do, which to be fair she played one of the best social games I have seen in awhile. With this knowledge I didn't go into the final 4 blind. That didn't make it easy.
So knowing what Gustave and Richie were likely doing at that point and knowing it was the best logical choice as my head told me, I went to Madame. Now I could have given her false hope that I would tie things and vote Gustave with her, but after everything we went through doing anything even remotely close to that would be horrible. So rather than that, I told her that I was likely going to be voting her that round. She did say she couldn't fault me for thinking that way, but tha she would be trying to save herself, and I completely understood. I also told her the reasons why I had to vote her out there and that seemed to be well received.
In summary of my above post f8 examples of change:
-I opted to be more open with people with emotions
-I made hard commitments rather than give continual non-committal answers
-I expressed how I was really thinking with people
-If I was going to vote someone out, I told that person or at least strongly hinted that direction to show them respect
There was probably more that I actually did, but hopefully this provides enough in terms of examples. I will be in class the rest of the day so responses will be sparse.
Your words to me at final 7 stuck with me. They made me do a lot of self-reflection. I had 4 rounds including the one where you went home to work on not only myself and my game, but also to work on fixing the damage I had done.
It wasn't easy, and 4 rounds is not a lot of time to do that in, but I'd already hit rock bottom after the Duke quit and your post, I had nowhere else to go but forward. I couldn't fix the past, but I was going to do what I could to apply what I had learned going forward.
Thank you for the post and for the words you gave me, you said you wished me no ill will in private after I reached out, and I believed you. This was a gift on multiple levels even if it wasn't intended to be that way. It allowed me to roll up my sleeves, see what I had done prior, and figure out what I could do to fix it. It was also key to the transformative experience I had this game and how the Oracle who sits here now is a different Oracle then the one you experienced in the middle of the merge.
Let me know if you have further questions. Bark bark! Tail wag.
Topic: {Royal Tenenbaum} (Read 269 times)
