Opening Speech - Draft

[Oracle]

Hello Jurors,

I am so honored to be here after a really long journey. Along the way, I met a ton of great competitors and this was easily the most difficult game I have ever been part of. I learned a lot about myself, a lot about each of you, and a lot about what I am truly capable of doing and adapting to.

This game tested me in a number of ways and as I go through the phases of the game and attempt to explain my thoughts and my feelings about each of you.

Camp Ivanhoe "CI" (as relevant to Merge)

Spoiler

Though a chunk of you never were part of original Ivanhoe I should explain a bit about how this affected me later on. Early on, I noticed that there were several social individuals: Richie Tenenbaum, Anthony Adams, Young Writer and Suzy Bishop. These were all individuals who I could see myself needing to work with and potentially against later on in the game. In addition, I made pretty strong connections early on with M. Gustave (who I formed a ride or die with) and Duke, the latter of which had some issues connecting with people in the beginning which I found myself compelled to get to know better. As a result of the first challenge, there was some discord between those who had bid the minimum in an auction plan to get the items and move forward as a tribe, and those who didn't bid on the items as it was unknown who had bid more than they said they would during that time. It was at this time, an alliance came together called The Society of Crossed Keys (SOTCK) between myself, Suzy, Writer, Richie & Herman Blume (everyone who "claimed" to have bid the minimum on all items). In addition, I found myself drawn into a secondary grouping with Gustave, Richie & Anthony known as The 4 Horsemen (4H) (really this was a terribly named group, but what could go wrong right?). Between these two groupings, I found myself in a pretty good social position early on as I had two different avenues for information, and between the two groups Richie and I were in both, so we formed a mutual partnership that I don't think people would have initially connected. The final part of this was that as a result of the auction, Suzy, someone I was kind of skeptical about, and I had a big heart to heart and I began to see her as a social threat I could work with long term and form a partnership with.

I pretty much just rode these two groupings and tried to be my bubbly positive self so as to not make waves. Since we won 3 of the first 4 tribal immunities, my loyalty to both groups was never tested and as a result I got to enjoy the benefits of being immune. The one tribal we went to was easy because the least active person (who didn't log on for 36 hours at one point) became the easy vote. It was around this time I began noticing Anthony was doing some weird things, such as telling Duke he would get a vote when I hadn't heard his name once. Then mysteriously, despite Kylie not logging on before the deadline (checked the time from the bottom of the board) somehow Duke got a vote. It was at that point I started putting more stock into SOTCK as I was unsure that Anthony had our best interest in mind long term. When Richie "was forced" to mutiny to the other side and Peter was thrown to our side, discussions went south very fast as I was put on the spot to spill information without really getting anything in return from Peter. This was used to start doing things against Young Writer (SOTCK) who had asked us to vote Sam that round. Between trying to walk on eggshells between this super speedy relationship (they'd talked for what, 24 hours by that point?) and trying to work out some differences with Sam, I got put in a weird spot and forced to choose Writer. If I hadn't, there is a good chance Gustave goes here as he received 4 votes. My relationship with Duke was key here as most people didn't have the trust in him that I had. Why did I have a strong trust with Duke? He gifted me the Dog Flu Serum that he had been given by Writer as a joke, a fact I kept secret until it became relevant.

[close]

Trash Island (as relevant to Merge):

Spoiler

After the swap, I was awkwardly put on a tribe with Anthony (who had just voted Gustave) and Gustave (who wasn't Anthony's biggest fan, given we had "been in an alliance"). I also was swapped with Herman and Suzy, both of which were from SOTCK. I also got my first taste of Madame D. and Margot Tenenbaum, both of which I'd only briefly met during the cross-communication round. Margot had shared a bunch of information with me during the cross-comm round and as a result I had a pretty good established relationship with her that I thought might be beneficial later. Madame was also very sweet to know, though Margot informed me that she was someone to watch out for later. Herman, Gustave, Suzy and myself formed a 4 person group known as "Ivanwho? Bark bark!" though I later regretted not naming this group "Trash Hoes" in honor of our journey. We knew we had majority and would be able to decide what happened here. After Madame won immunity, we were left with two choices: Anthony or Margot. There were major discussions that happened about these two, and although Anthony and Gustave had made up and Herman suggested we keep Anthony, I had to think about optics. If we were to vote out Margot, would we remain in these tribes another round or two? There was no way to know. If Duke, Richie and Writer somehow survived the vote on the other side (we speculated Foxy was a likely target based on the cross-comm round), that sending Margot home at this tribal would look awful and put them in hot water if they had to survive. So we made the active choice to let go of a wild card none of the 4 of us knew we could trust in Anthony in order to help the others we were worried about.

[close]

The Peter Vote:

Spoiler

Then we merged. This was crazy and trying to connect with 11 people at once gave me a lot of anxiety because it was overwhelming. There were two people I hadn't really chatted much with at this point: Buckley and Royal Tenenbaum. I didn't want to just assume a majority of original Ivanhoes would form, and so I did my best to try to reconnect with Peter and get to know Buckley and Royal a bit. Royal had a tendency to not respond to me that often, however Buckley and I formed a fast friendship. I actually made a PM group with Buckley and Duke called BARK BARK BARK (BBB). In BBB, we literally just barked and did dog things with each other which filled me with so much joy. In addition, I tried to keep up my friendship with Margot and Madame from Trash Island and recommended they talk to Duke after they asked me if there was anyone they should get to know. It was an almost instant match made in heaven as all 3 seemed to like each other and we formed a group called Across The Stars (ATS). In addition, the 4H group (at this point myself, Richie and Gustave) sort of came together and dubbed Pietro the 4th member of the group, even though we went on to literally be at each other's throats for a good chunk of the rest of the merge. After Margot won immunity, the old members of SOTCK re-formed the group, we'd been talking but no one was really sure if we were going to stick together or not. However, concerns about how Peter hadn't supported Writer during the mutiny round came up and despite  some objections, ultimately people saw Peter as a wild card and it was determined that was the best path for the vote. This sort of came at a somewhat bad time as I had tried to build a bond with Peter and see if we could work past the awkward tension we had during the mutiny round, and I had to play it off so I could support the people keeping me safe, SOTCK. It was during this vote that I was informed by several people that I was "popular" and "didn't make enemies" and "well liked". Between this and comments Peter made about me back during the mutiny round about how "my opinion carried weight" I began to realize that if I kept on this trajectory I was eventually going to have to go for being "too likable" so I began to start to think of ways that I could somehow lessen that intentionally.

Thoughts about Peter: I think you probably scared me the most out of anyone in the game because you had no problem shaking things up, and going against people who were more social, as evidence by Foxy's vote and how you approached me the mutiny round. However, i kind of liked how forward you were because it gave me a good sense of who you were. I also enjoyed that you really did come in and just try to break things up, it's probably how I would have played from a minority situation if I was in one, and I admire that fighting spirit in you. It was inspirational.

[close]

Buckley Quits:

Spoiler

I'll talk about this round in more detail, but given you quit pretty early into this round I just wanted to say a few things.

Thoughts about Buckley: I had so much fun with you in the BBB PM. One of my goals if somehow all 3 dogs made the merge was just to bark at each other in private. It was a blast for the round and a half I knew you and I really had so much fun with that. I was absolutely devastated when you left because I thought you would have been an incredible person for me to work with from Rushmore and I was genuinely looking forward to possibly pulling off a #blindside with you this round on SOTCK since there was a group I was interested in trying to form: Margot/Royal/Madame/You/Me/Duke/Gustave. I just wanted to work with people I enjoyed and I very much enjoyed the dog spirit we shared in our many barking PMs with one another.

[close]

Young Writer Vote:

Spoiler

After Buckley quit, I had to rethink what I wanted to do here because now I was with SOTCK on one side ATS on the other, and Royal somewhere in the middle. As a result of me being in both groups, I suggested Royal to be the vote this round and was pretty much met with resistance on all sides. Richie, Writer, Madame and Margot pretty much shot me down and used a variety of reasons to do it with. This is when I began to realize that there were a number of people protecting Royal and likely had leaked information I had shared in prior rounds with him. Not enough to throw me under the bus, but from that point on I started being wary because Royal and I hadn't had a really solid connection prior to this and with Buckley gone, the scope of what I was thinking had to change. I backed off pretty early on, however Writer suggested Gustave and Duke as votes in SOTCK. From my connection with both of these two from CI, that wasn't going to fly with me, so I went to the person I formed a ride or die with in Gustave and fessed up to being in SOTCK and that there was a chance his name might come up this round. Well that kind of backfired in my face because Gustave immediately began to go around starting to try to stir the pot to get that worked up and I was so afraid that would get back to me. By a stroke of luck, it turned out that Richie had already leaked this information and so the blame mostly shifted to him for this and I ran with it. I also strongly suggested a Writer vote to the members of ATS for several reasons: First, I had been walking on eggshells with him to try to keep his "friends" happy. Second, when I pitched Royal in the SOTCK chat, he said something to the effect of "I don't want anything that has to do with a pagong." Finally, when Madame's name was brought up later, he seemed to be fine with it, thus negating his earlier statement. This showed me that he had plans to further insulate himself with his "friends", work with a SOTCK pagong in order to get farther using Royal, and probably long term I would have to rely heavily on him in order to advance if I didn't do something about it.

It was around this time that Gustave started to pitch a vote split plan against Royal and Writer and was throwing it everywhere. So while I was dealing with that headache trying to support my ride or die, I was also approached by SOTCK to vote for Madame, which was the only name that group could agree on given Margot was immune that round. I also had no idea how Gustave's master plan vote split would work out. So I did what any sane, rational person would do and went to Duke (we had just finally gotten a 3 person chat together with Gustave that round) and told him what I was thinking. We discussed the option against Madame and decided if Gustave didn't vote Writer or anyone split on Royal with his plan, that it would be fine to just let the blindside happen so we could proceed in the next round with the numbers to go for the other members of SOTCK. So with Duke's blessing, I proceeded and left the vote on Madame, knowing any range of things could happen including the actual tie that occurred.

I had begun to suspect the round might tie at this point, and if it did, I knew I would need to utilize the additional 24 hours I had in order to gather information in the hopes of making a more informed decision on the revote. It was during this time that I was able to confirm from Duke that Richie had been lying to me since at least the mutiny round and had really lied to just about everyone in SOTCK as he actually volunteered in order to make connections with Rushmores. Although I was asked not to share this information with anyone, I went to Suzy, who I still had a good relationship with. The main reason I had originally voted Madame in the first place, was that in the round after, I had decided to try to make a majority alliance with myself, Suzy, Herman, Gustave and Duke and so by voting Madame I had kept up my relationship with Suzy and Herman. However I knew Herman was ultimately more loyal to SOTCK than anything else, and Suzy confirmed this with me. I then told her about Richie, and after comparing notes, we both decided we were done trying to play Richie's game for him and decided to flip. It was in this time that Suzy had learned that Richie had said Royal was likely also going to flip so it would require both of us to stick with it. Despite Suzy leaking back to Richie minutes before the end of the round and getting a ton of PMs about how we were all going to lose the game if I flipped (and got some other pseudo threats about how I was trusting the wrong people from Richie as well). In any case, to the best of my knowledge I flipped my vote with Suzy and in theory Royal (who denied this) also flipped.

Thoughts on Young Writer: Of everyone in game, I probably did you the most dirty and if I don't acknowledge that then it's a lie. I told you during the revote phase "How could I vote you after you drew me that picture" which basically made it seem like I wouldn't vote you, and then I did. I'd had a number of frustrations with you including the whole Peter situation and how I'd had to alter my thoughts based on what you want and decided I wanted to play my own game rather than be forced into a situation where I could be potentially picked off in favor of your non pagong friends. However, if I mismanged anyone the worst it was probably you because I didn't tell you what I was doing or how I was feeling. I'm truly sorry if I hurt you on a personal level. The only way I could think about making it up to you was giving thoughts on the video you asked me to watch that I ran out of time to during those insane couple of days. Unfortunately I only have 2000 words to write this speech, but I think I can sum up some of my feelings in "My Andelite don't want none unless you got bun-zuh." Let's chat more about the video later now that I've watched it.

[close]

[Oracle]

The Herman Vote:

Spoiler

So just before the last vote went down, Duke (who apparently came to the same conclusion about that grouping of five that I did) made a chat with myself, Herman, Suzy and Gustave known as 5vanhoe 5VH. So naturally, Duke isn't supposed to know that I told him that I was planning to vote Madame and I only informed Gustave a few minutes prior just so he wasn't completely blindsided by me, but after the SOTCK debacle I thought it best to be careful what I share with him. During the revote, Suzy and I didn't inform Herman that we were flipping and he was blindsided. However, without Writer in the game, Herman needed somewhere to turn to as SOTCK was officially disbanded based on the events of the prior round, so temporarily we were all in on 5VH.

On the other side, Duke and I, now in multiple alliances, also have ATS going to bat for us, so we have options on how we proceed. However, in order to do damage control I decide to back off for the round, made easier when Duke and Margot and I won the team challenge (my only "immunity" win this game, and in spite of Duke suggesting to me that we throw to get rid of Margot, which I felt I needed immunity for myself after the flip last round). So in a show of good faith to both sides, I decide to let them have "what they want" this round. Margot and Madame from ATS made it clear they wanted Herman out, Herman, Gustave and "Duke" (who had to pretend) wanted Madame. The round and stage were set and if this vote went through, 5VH would be the majority alliance for the rest of the game in theory (though given how fluid this game was I doubt would have gone well). Unfortunately, there was at least one but from what I gather multiple leaks that gave Royal and Richie enough information to piece together this was happening and it spread like wildfire fairly close to the deadline.

I later learned that Gustave had a major part in the leaking, but I don't really know all the details since for once I was all in on a plan and didn't leak. All I know is at that point, I needed to save face and in a quick decision with Gustave and Duke, we flipped back to Herman. Suzy was not around or she would probably have been in on that. This was a huge bungle, but because information got back to Madame like I feared an idol got played anyways. So regardless of how that played out, saving face was the only option I truly had available due to leakage that happened.

Thoughts on Herman: You are a true and loyal guy. Although our communication broke down for several rounds in a row (something we both acknowledged during that final round), you were all in on 5VH after the breakdown of SOTCK and I think your inherent ability to trust and rely on those you trust is admirable. It was an unfortunate series of circumstances that lead to your demise and it wasn't something I was intending to do and I'm really and honestly sorry I ended up voting you that round, but there wasn't another option we could scramble together in less than 30 minutes especially with Suzy gone. However I admire the talks we did have especially at the beginning and there probably is a good chance you are here if you survive this vote. I admired your ability to trust someone and I think this whole round was a bungled mess that caused me a lot of headache later on.

[close]

The Duke Quit Round:

Spoiler

This round was probably the round that went the exact least way I would have expected it to. It also was the round that would lead to a path to the end of the game for me, whether I realized it or not. In prior rounds, I had a number of messages from Richie telling me how I was part of a pair and how dangerous that would be since I was the more perceived social member of the pair. To which I pretty much didn't know how that wasn't the public perception I was putting on since I was in multiple groups with Duke, I always talked him up with people, and I even drew a picture involving the two of us (and he drew one of me). So after the bungled round with Herman where I'd needed to save face and try to get back in good with ATS, I wanted to be more open. First and foremost, Richie was someone I absolutely wanted out this round and between information that had been leaked between Richie and Royal most people seemed open and on board to the idea.

So of course what happens? Richie wins immunity. This puts me in an awkward spot because in ATS, the only way we form majority at final 7. However if we are not voting each other and we can't vote out Richie, then our only options to vote are Gustave (my ride or die), Suzy (who helped me flip the vote at 10 and who Margot wasn't interested in going for anyways) and Royal. On the surface, I felt it obvious to then suggest Royal as the vote. This was a risk as I suspected people would leak this back to Royal, which they did, and I anticipated it, however I'd been trying to work out a plan with Royal prior to see if we could progress, however that hinged upon Richie not winning immunity at this point, and after that anything between me and Royal was going to be awkward anyways. But on paper it was the only option I could suggest. Madame and Margot pushed back on Gustave and so I was ready to bow my head and give in, when all of a sudden Duke pops in and starts saying "Royal Royal Royal". And I was then put in another awkward situation where I felt like I had to support Duke who I know had gone to bat for me several times. After Herman left, Suzy, myself, Gustave and Duke formed a group called 4vanhoe 4VH (a running joke at this point to me) and originally thought, Margot sounds like a good option since she's been immune 3 times in a row and this might be the only time to get her.

However it was also at this time that Richie began getting squirrelly. He already knew that Suzy/Me/Gustave/Duke had formed the group with Herman last time and it was just as likely we would form a 4some if Royal, Madame or Margot went that time. He wasn't wrong, but either way of my options of who I could take on at an FTC, 4VH was the tastier looking group. Richie then started telling other people to vote out Gustave. So now I had conflicting reports of whether Richie was doing Gustave or Madame. So instead of trying to deal with that whole mess, I came up with a plan with 4vanhoe since we saw this vote heading towards a tie. In this vote, we would vote Royal. I highly suspected no one would flip (could be wrong but I had my suspicions this was the one time we might actually go to rocks). If Madame and Margot didn't budge, then five people would be up for elimination in rocks, myself, Margot, Madame, Duke and Suzy. This was the only chance I saw where people might seriously be able to take out Margot or Madame while getting no blood on their hands, and then if that didn't work, what was the worst I could get, 8th and with my name in the history books as the first MSer in recent history to get rocked out? A 40% chance seemed like the highest odds, and the targets to get out were arguably the biggest threats left in the game, so I said fuck it and went for it. I hoped then next round that I could at least talk to Royal and see if we could work something out as worse case, he would have been immune in a rock draw.

And then Duke quit. And I went into a downward spiral this game.

Thoughts on Duke: You were my rock this game. You really kept me together in times I wasn't even sure what I was doing. You supported me every step of the way and I never had to doubt your intentions or what you were thinking. I really hated seeing you go out this way because you were such a rich source of information for me, but also because I just like you dude. There's a bond between you and I that I didn't and couldn't possible share with anyone else. You just get me on a personal and game level and that's been something that's been so hard for me to find in these games. I hope to be lifelong friends with you after because I really came to rely on you for so much in this game. You have one of the biggest hearts I've ever seen and I can't wait to be your friend after this game is over.

[close]

The Royal Vote:

Spoiler

So Duke leaves and I'm facing one of the darkest moments in my entire survivor career. I followed someone I was seriously wanting to go to the end game with, potentially had ruined my relationships with Madame and Margot, definitely ruined my relationship with Royal, and had been willing to gamble my own place in this game to go to rocks in completion of our mission to make the end of the game. Then the really awesome post from Royal gets posted. At first, I was already sobbing from Duke quitting and feeling like my whole game was in shambles, but having the post showing that I was doing a bad job of people and jury managing came up and just really was the cherry on top of a shittastic day. However, once I calmed down and processed Duke leaving, which I have to give Suzy, Gustave, Margot and Madame a lot of credit for helping pick me up in one of my darkest hours emotionally, I actually read between the lines and saw that Royal had given me a gift. He'd publicly stated the thing that had finally confirmed that what I was doing to reduce my threat level and be seen as someone desirable to be taken to the end was actually working. It was in that moment I started to see a path. I was no longer part of a scary pair, Suzy and Gustave were both still in the game, and Royal was offering himself up as an easy vote.

So after Margot won immunity yet again, we all came to a decision, with some hesitancy, that lead to the vote out of Royal.

Thoughts on Royal: Dude I really do owe you an apology. You obviously saw what I was doing to save face and to a certain degree I kind of wanted to be seen that way so I could lessen my threat level and be someone people wanted to go to the end of the game with. I did try to apologize and be real with you after the round was done and I was not going to lead you on or lie to you again, and I meant it this round. After I'd been sobbing from Duke quitting I was so ready to put the knives down and just see what we could do. But then you posted and it was clear my attempt at a genuine apology was just seen as another pattern inducting attempt. So yeah, this game didn't do us many favors by keeping us apart for so long, but I often saw you as a rival for my position in the game. So long as you were around and people were protecting you, that just meant you were off limits. From a game perspective, anyone who is that well protected from my point of view is a major threat, however on a personal level, I really just fucked up whatever relationship we could have had this game. I'm not saying I'm the only party that's to blame, you definitely lied to me on a few occasions, however I didn't help anything, so for my part in not really being open for awhile to actually working with you, I am truly sorry if I dug the knife too far in deep with you. You deserve that much from me at least. I wish we'd had more time to further some of our conversations early merge because until circumstance and awful timing happened, I was genuinely trying to see if we could work something out. You don't have to believe me, but I don't have anything to hide. Either way I know I fucked up with you, however because I did and because you made a speech, you highlighted what I was trying to do to lessen my threat level anyways, and in the weirdest way telling me that you couldn't see how I could win, you gave me the tools I needed to progress forward. I took the advice you gave me to heart, and I did my best with the final couple boots to try to rectify some of the things you said I was doing poorly. Thank you for the reality check, I needed the reminder. Even if I don't win here, I owe you thanks for posting what you did as I don't think I get to this point without public perception backing up what I was doing. I also do hope you had a great trip and got what you needed from it. It sounds like you have a good thing going for you and I'm sorry that you got fandangled into playing this game when you had a bona fide conflict.

[close]

[Oracle]

The Margot Vote:

Spoiler

After Royal left, there seemed to be a split. Me/Suzy/Gustave versus Richie/Madame/Margot. However, Margot had only lost one challenge up until this point, so I thought we'd really screwed the pooch in missing our opportunities to take her out. However the survivor gods intervened and found a challenge Margot wasn't amazing at and Richie won. If Richie had lost, I probably would have suggested targeting him (had no idea he had an idol). However, with Margot not immune, I knew it was now or never or risk her winning the final challenges and taking up a spot in the endgame that I could never have.

Suzy and Gustave were definitely fine with it, however Suzy expressed reservations because she didn't want to go to rocks at that point. Since at this point I was doing quite a few things with Suzy (flipping, voting with, potentially having gone to rocks the prior round), I wanted to support her. It was a stalemate for awhile that round, however I tried something. Assuming Suzy wouldn't go to rocks, I had to do the unthinkable and potentially join the others in voting for Gustave. I didn't like this idea and it would leave me vulnerable, however the walls were closing in at this point because Margot and Richie weren't budging. I tried selling Margot to Richie for awhile, but after having tried to push her as a vote during final 8, he changed his tune and instead now wanted Gustave out more than anyone else. So then my only avenue left was Madame.

However Gustave decided to tell Madame that he wouldn't consider me and Suzy making us part of a "tight trio" so what possible reason would Madame have to vote Margot here? None yet. I then approached Suzy and decided to propose two ideas. We could do two things, cut Gustave if she really wasn't willing to take a 33% chance of getting Margot out at rocks with me, or we throw all of our cards in on Madame. I had been working with Madame and saying that I needed to talk to Suzy who was genuinely only available in the earlier hours of the day for me. Madame and I bonded quite a bit over Duke's quit and she was very very kind to me at a time I was really low. In that moment, Suzy and I decided we would try to form a genuine final 3 with Madame at that point. Either she would then be compelled to vote out Margot, or we would have to vote out Gustave with her this round in order to have majority in the next round.

For a long time that day it was quiet and I wasn't sure if I'd done enough to pull it off, but all of a sudden about 2-3 hours before the vote is due, I get a hurried message from Suzy who is about to board a plane that Madame is in and voting Margot. I just had to blink and stare in disbelief that we had pulled off avoiding a tie this round. It also turns out, while this was going on Richie changed his tune and decided I was a bigger threat to get out than Gustave and had gotten Margot to vote me. So this move very well saved my game as we got the 4 votes we needed and Margot went home, and I skated by avoiding a potential idol with my first 2 votes the entire game.

Thoughts on Margot: You are an incredible challenge performer. On top of that, you are an open and honest person and you speak your mind especially when tough questions are asked of you. We had incredible discussions of keeping a balance of threats and non threats that was one of the most impactful discussions I probably had strategically with someone all game. For a few rounds that is absolutely how things worked out and in those rounds it felt like a true partnership. I think deep down we both probably knew it wasn't going to work forever, but I do wish we'd gotten to do more "non game" talk as you expressed you wanted to have in the final rounds we spent in game together. I think we both would have liked that. Either way you were one hell of a competitor and I liked your approach to the game as I've never seen someone as open as you were when we first met. It was what drew me to you, and eventually made you too big of a threat to keep around. I hope you can see that your vote out was strictly business, I do want to talk more post game and keep getting to know you on a personal level.

[close]

The Suzy Blindside:

Spoiler

The stage was set. With Margot removed, Suzy, Madame, myself and Gustave were posed to be the final 4, however Richie was the final obstacle in the way of that. In addition, I suspected and shared my suspicions with at least Madame that I thought he had an idol, which was sort of confirmed that it could be possible from the Royal public post two rounds prior where Royal said he gave Richie a clue (I later learned he had it from a clue he got during the train brawl/auction rounds). However, I didn't really have a back up plan at that point.

Once again Richie pulled off the win of the century in the challenge thanks to Gustave blocking Madame from getting enough points to beat him. And thus I was put in a horribly awkward spot. I had to vote out someone who literally had just saved me from being the boot. No matter the choice I made I was going to be cutting someone and having to make a decision that I was hoping to put off until final 4. Suzy made it very clear up front that she wanted to get close to the end and had no confidence in her ability to win challenges, Gustave and I hadn't exactly shown any prowess in challenges either, so reluctantly, we decided to honor our agreement that we made with madame. At least this way, the final round would be Madame versus Richie. I then had to have the awkward conversation with Gustave, literally hating every moment that I did it to tell him that I was part of a deal and I had to hold up my end. That's not to say I didn't approach Richie to get a sense of what he would be willing to do. Due to a rings twist from the auction, he and Madame couldn't vote each other that round and I'd heard it from both of them. Richie also swore up and down that voting out gustave was his best option here. So with three people telling me Gustave was the vote, I had no choice but to place my vote there.

Little did I know, that my gut feeling that Richie had an idol was correct and he opted to save Gustave with it. In return, Gustave had to make a deal with Richie to at least give him a tie if he didn't win the next immunity, which he had to accept. I sort of wish Gustave had approached me and let me know, but I sort of couldn't really hold that against him since I basically did something similar to him during final 10. Either way, the idol was played, I shit my pants, and Suzy went home.

Thoughts on Suzy: Suzy I absolutely adored you this game and I think you know that. After our initial hesitation with each other we really broke down barriers with one another in the earlier stages of the game and formed quite a tight pairing. Half of the stuff that got pulled off would not have been possible without your input and together we moved mountains. Sam warned everyone that you and I would be a dangerous pair at merge and we decided to prove him right after he left. I had so much fun talking to you and weighing the options and even though it wasn't always sunshine and rainbows, we really did work together very well. I would have been honored to sit next to you here and I think you played an absolutely incredible game. Thank you for being my partner in crime at a time when we really were at a do or die stage of this game.

[close]

The Madame Vote:

Spoiler

So just like any well laid out plan, fate decided to shit on us this game. We were somehow in final 4 with Gustave (who we had just voted) and Richie who just could not lose a challenge to save his life. I warned you in advance that there was a chance things get awkward for me if Richie wins again. I gave the challenge everything I had and came the closest I ever had to being immune, falling short by luck of who got the score first. With that Richie was guaranteed the end and therefore I had a really really tough choice to make. In a game all about making the right choice, I had to weigh whether sending you to a tie or sitting next to Gustave (my ride or die that I literally had just tried to vote out) was better for me. But in the end, a wiser player than I once told me "if you have a good choice to make, you have to make it." And as much as I hated admitting it because you have been nothing but gracious and kind to me this whole game, I had to take you out. You were going to hands down win this game against any of us, and if I even wanted to be heard here I had to vote you out. That doesn't mean I liked that vote nor did I want it. Had Richie lost the challenge, I may have been more compelled to consider other options, however once I saw results I knew I had to be straight up with you and just say that's what I was doing. I tried to take a page out of Royal's criticisms and rather than lie and lead you on, I decided you deserved to know what I was doing. Roughly 20 hours later, what I assumed was happening, happened, leading to the final 3 you are now having to vote between, the remnants of the 4H reborn group who somehow finally put the knives down long enough to be here now.

Thoughts on Madame: AwoooOOOooOoOOoOOOoo. I absolutely loved sharing music with you this game. You helped pick me up during a really dark spot in this game for me. And I know you went to bat for me multiple times. I absolutely hated voting for you at f4 and it was probably the hands down hardest decision I made all game because even though my head knew it was right, my heart hated this. You reminded me that you can't just play with your head all the time and you have to actually weigh decisions based on your heart as well. There were things we did for each other to sacrifice our own protections in order to progress in this game together and as we joked about, there are too many debts to repay to the point we had to call it a wash. I appreciated you this game and I feel like our relationship was not born out of tribal lines, but of our mutual respect for one another. I appreciate you and I meant what I said when I said I'm glad we met this game.

[close]

In conclusion:

Spoiler

This game was one of the toughest things I went through, physically, mentally, emotionally, all the ways you can think of I have never played a game this tough. I have never felt more competent and less competent all at the same time. There were things I actively did to lessen my threat level at the merge where I could have easily been a Madame at f4 and taken out because I was too popular, or too likable, or not willing to make enemies. I tried to hear the information I was getting and play this game actively, never locking myself into one specific path. If I felt like someone else took me for granted or I felt like I was starting to play someone else's game, I went against the grind and tried doing something else. I never stopped fighting to be here because somehow deep down, despite two people quitting who I wanted to work with (I joke that I got the Aubrey Bracco experience I never wanted in my confessional), despite losing challenges by an agonizing one point or even a few minutes, and despite never truly being "individually" immune (aside from round 9 which I argue was still part of a team), I did what I absolutely had to do to be here and make sure that people wanted to take me to the endgame so I had a chance to argue for myself. If I have hurt any of you on a personal level, I am truly sorry. At the end of the day, I had to make choices and those choices lead me here to this endgame. I turn the floor over to you and will do my best to answer any concerns or questions you have with me. I trust you are all smart enough to make the correct choice here and I hope you have come with an open mind are willing to hear me out. Thank you for taking time to read this.

[close]

IM FAIRLY CONFIDENT THIS IS MORE THAN 2000 WORDS BUT I HAVE TO START SOMEWHERE SO I CAN EDIT DOWN.

THIS IS WAY TOO LONG ALREADY CONFIRMED.

[Oracle]

Attempt #2:

Hello Jurors,

I am so honored to be here after a really long journey. Along the way, I met a ton of great competitors and this was easily the most difficult game I have ever been part of. I learned a lot about myself, a lot about each of you, and a lot about what I am truly capable of doing and adapting to.

This game tested me in a number of ways and as I go through the phases of the game and attempt to explain my thoughts and my feelings about each of you.
(NOTE: My original speech was 7600 words so I had way more to say than I'm about to, thank the mods for that gift, sorry I talk a lot haha.)

Camp Ivanhoe "CI" (as relevant to Merge):

Spoiler

Early on, I noticed several social individuals: Richie, Young and Suzy. I could see myself needing to work with and potentially against later on in the game, so I connected to them. I also made pretty strong connections with Gustave and Duke. After the first challenge, there was discord between those who bid the minimum in the auction, and those who didn't bid on the items. An alliance came together called The Society of Crossed Keys (SOTCK) between myself, Suzy, Writer, Richie & Herman Blume (the minimum bidders). In addition, I became part of a secondary grouping with Gustave, Richie & Anthony known as The 4 Horsemen (4H). As a result, I found myself in a pretty good social position with two different avenues for information. In addition, Suzy, someone I was skeptical about, and I had a big heart to heart and I began to see her as someone I could work with long term.

When Richie "was forced" to mutiny to the other side and Peter was thrown to our side, discussions went south as Peter asked for information without giving any in return. He also began to go against Young Writer who had asked us to vote Sam that round. Between trying to walk on eggshells (they'd talked for what, 24 hours by that point?) and trying to work with Sam, I got put in a weird spot and chose Writer. My relationship with Duke blossomed at this point, which lead to him gifting me the Dog Flu Serum that he had been given by Writer, a fact I kept secret until it became relevant. He also sided with us in the vote and we got through 6-4 in spite of a double vote play.

[close]

Trash Island (As relevant to the merge):

Spoiler

After the swap, I was awkwardly put on a tribe with Anthony (who just voted Gustave) and Gustave. I also got to officially meet Madame D. and Margot Tenenbaum, both of which I'd briefly met during the cross-communication round. Margot shared a bunch of information with me and as a result I had a pretty good established relationship with her. Madame was also very sweet, though Margot informed me that she was someone to watch out for later. Herman, Gustave, Suzy and myself formed a 4 person group known as "Ivanwho? Bark bark!". After Madame won immunity, we were left with two choices: Anthony or Margot. If we were to vote out Margot, would we remain in these tribes another round or two? There was no way to know. If Duke, Richie and Writer somehow survived the vote on the other side, sending Margot home at this tribal would look awful and put them in hot water. So we made the active choice to let go of Anthony in order to help the others we were worried about.

[close]

The Peter Vote:

Spoiler

This round was crazy and trying to connect with 11 people at once was overwhelming. There were two people I hadn't chatted much with at this point: Buckley and Royal. I did my best to try to reconnect with Peter and get to know Buckley and Royal a bit. Buckley and I formed a fast friendship which prompted a PM group with Buckley and Duke called BARK BARK BARK (BBB). In BBB, we literally just barked and did dog things with each other which filled me with so much joy.

In addition, I recommended Margot and Madame talk to Duke after they asked me if there was anyone they should get to know. It was an instant match as all 3 seemed to like each other and we formed a group called Across The Stars (ATS).

In addition, the 4H group (at this point myself, Richie and Gustave) sort of came back together, even though we went on to be at each other's throats. After Margot won immunity, the old members of SOTCK re-formed (kind of, it was shaky). However, concerns about Peter not supporting Writer during the mutiny round came up and it was determined that was the best path for the vote. It was during this vote that I was informed by several people that I was "popular" and "didn't make enemies" and "was well liked". Between this and comments Peter made about me during the mutiny round about how "my opinion carried weight" I began to realize if I kept on this trajectory I was eventually going to get voted out for being "too likable". I began to start to think of ways that I could lessen that.

To Peter: I think you probably scared me the most out of anyone in the game because you had no problem shaking things up, as evidence by Foxy's vote and how you approached me the mutiny round. However, i kind of liked how forward you were and enjoyed that you really did come in and just try to break things up. It's probably how I would have played from a minority situation and I admire that fighting spirit in you.

[close]

Buckley Quits:

Spoiler

You quit pretty early into this round, so instead I just want to say a few things.

To Buckley: I had so much fun with you in the BBB PM. One of my goals was if all 3 dogs made the merge we would just bark at each other. It was a blast for the round and a half I knew you. I was absolutely devastated when you left because I thought you would have been an incredible person for me to work with. I was genuinely looking forward to possibly pulling off a #blindside with you this round. I very much enjoyed the dog spirit we shared in our many barking PMs with one another.

[close]

Young Writer Vote:

Spoiler

After Buckley quit, I had to rethink what I wanted to do here. As a result of me being in both SOTCK and ATS, I suggested Royal to be the vote and was met with resistance. Richie, Writer, Madame and Margot pretty much shot me down with a variety of reasons. This is when I realized that there were people protecting Royal. From that point on I started being wary because Royal and I hadn't had a really solid connection. The scope of what I was thinking had to change. I backed off, however Writer suggested Gustave and Duke as votes in SOTCK. That wasn't going to fly with me, so I went to Gustave and fessed up to being in SOTCK and that his name might come up. Well that kind of backfired because Gustave immediately went around starting to stir the pot and I was afraid that would fall back on me. However, it turned out Richie leaked this information and so I ran with it. I also suggested a Writer vote to the members of ATS because: First, I had been walking on eggshells to try to keep his "friends" happy. Second, when I pitched Royal in SOTCK, he said "I don't want anything that has to do with a pagong." Finally, when Madame's name was brought up later, he was fine with it. This told me that he planned to further insulate himself with his "friends", would betray it to go with Royal, and I would have to rely heavily on him if I didn't do something about it. In any case, the only name we could agree on that round was Madame.

It was around this time Gustave started to pitch a vote split plan. I had no idea how Gustave's master plan vote split would work. So I went to Duke and told him about the option against Madame and decided that it would be fine to just let the blindside potentially happen so we could proceed in the next round with the numbers to go for the other members of SOTCK.

I started suspect the round might tie at this point, and if it did, I knew I would need to utilize the additional 24 hours I had in order to gather information. During this time that I was able to confirm that Richie had been lying to me since at least the mutiny round and had actually volunteered. I went to Suzy, who I still had a good relationship with, compared notes and decided we were done trying to play Richie's game for him. The main reason I had originally voted Madame was to keep up my relationship with Suzy and Herman for a potentially alliance at f9. However I knew Herman was ultimately more loyal to SOTCK, which Suzy confirmed.

Despite Suzy leaking back to Richie minutes before the end of the round, I flipped my vote with Suzy.

To Writer: I think I did you the most dirty this game. I told you something that made it seem like I wouldn't vote you, and then I did. I had a number of frustrations with you including the Peter situation and how I had to alter my thoughts based on what you wanted. I decided I wanted to play my own game rather than be put in a situation where I could be picked off in favor of your friends. However, I didn't tell you what I was doing or how I was feeling. I'm truly sorry if I hurt you on a personal level. I told you I would give you thoughts on an animorphs video you shared with me. Unfortunately I only have 2000 words, but I think I can sum up some feelings with "My Andelite don't want none unless you got bun-zuh." Let's chat more about the video later now that I've watched it.

[close]

The Herman Vote:

Spoiler

Before the last vote went down, Duke made a chat with myself, Herman, Suzy and Gustave known as 5vanhoe, 5VH. Duke wasn't supposed to know that I told him about the Madame vote and I informed Gustave a few minutes prior so he wasn't completely blindsided, but after the vote split shenanigans, I had to be careful what I shared. During the revote, Suzy and I didn't inform Herman that we were flipping and he was blindsided. However, without Writer in the game, Herman needed somewhere to turn to, so temporarily we were all in on 5VH.

In order to do damage control with ATS I decided to back off for the round, made easier when Duke and Margot and I won the team challenge (which I was asked to throw). So in a show of good faith to both sides, I decided to let them have "what they want" this round. Margot and Madame made it clear they wanted Herman out, while Herman and Gustave wanted Madame. If a Madame vote went through, 5VH would be the majority alliance. Unfortunately, there was at least one leak that gave Royal and Richie enough information to piece this together and it spread like wildfire close to the deadline. At that point, I needed to save face as Duke was spooked and with Gustave, we flipped to Herman. This was a huge bungle, but an idol got played anyways.

Thoughts on Herman: You are a true and loyal guy. Although our communication broke down, you were all in on 5VH. I think your inherent ability to trust and rely on those you trust is admirable. It was an unfortunate series of circumstances that lead to your demise and it wasn't something I was intending to do. I'm really sorry I ended up voting you, but there wasn't another option we could scramble together in 30 minutes with Suzy gone. I admired your ability to trust someone and I think this whole round was a bungled mess.

[close]

The Duke Quit Round:

Spoiler

In prior rounds, I had a number of messages from Richie telling me how I was part of a pair and how I was the more perceived social member of the pair. I already knew this was public perception since I was in multiple groups with Duke, I talked him up with people, and drew a picture involving the two of us (and he drew one of me). Richie was someone I absolutely wanted out because he was a smooth talker and most seemed to be on board to vote him.

So what happens? Richie wins immunity. This puts me in an awkward spot because in ATS, our only options to vote are Gustave, Suzy and Royal. Due to Gustave and Suzy being good allies, I suggested Royal as the last option left. This was a risk as I suspected people would leak this back to Royal, which they did, however I'd been talking with Royal to see if we could work something out. But on paper it was the only option I could suggest without landing in hot water. Madame and Margot pushed back so I was ready to bow my head and give in, when Duke popped in and said "Royal Royal Royal". This put me in an awkward situation where I had to support Duke. After Herman left, Suzy, myself, Gustave and Duke formed a group called 4vanhoe 4VH (which made me laugh) and originally thought, Margot sounded like a good option since she was vulnerable.

It was also at this time Richie began getting squirrelly and telling people to vote Gustave. He already knew that Suzy/Me/Gustave/Duke formed the group with Herman last time and it was likely we would form a foursome. He wasn't wrong, but 4VH felt like my best path to the end. So instead of trying to deal with that mess, I came up with a plan since we saw this vote heading towards a tie. In this vote, we would vote Royal. I highly suspected no one would flip (could be wrong but I had my suspicions this was the one time we might actually go to rocks). If Madame and Margot didn't budge, then five people would be up for elimination in rocks, myself, Margot, Madame, Duke and Suzy. This was the only chance I saw where people might be able to take out Margot or Madame while getting no blood on their hands, and then if that didn't work, what was the worst I could get, 8th and with my name as the first MSer in recent history to get rocked out? A 40% chance seemed like decent odds, and the targets to get out were arguably the biggest threats left, so I said fuck it and went for it. I hoped then next round that I could talk to Royal and see if we could work something out.

And then Duke quit. And I went into a downward spiral.

Thoughts on Duke: You were my rock. You really kept me together in times I wasn't even sure what I was doing. You supported me every step of the way and I never had to doubt your intentions. I hated seeing you go out this way because I like you dude. There's a bond between you and I that I didn't and couldn't possibly share with anyone else. You just get me on a personal and game level. I hope to be lifelong friends with you after. I really came to rely on you for so much in this game. You have one of the biggest hearts I've ever seen.

[close]

[Oracle]

The Royal Vote:

Spoiler

So Duke left and I began sobbing. I potentially had ruined my relationships with Madame and Margot, definitely ruined my relationship with Royal, and had been willing to gamble my own place in this game to go to rocks. Then the awesome post from Royal gets posted. I was already sobbing from Duke quitting and feeling like my whole game was in shambles, but having the post showing that I was doing a bad job of people and jury managing came up and was the cherry on top of a shittastic day. However, once I calmed down and processed Duke leaving, I actually read between the lines and saw that Royal had given me a gift. He'd publicly stated the thing that had finally confirmed that what I was doing to reduce my threat level. It was in that moment I started to see a path. I was no longer part of a scary pair, Suzy and Gustave were both still in the game, and Royal was offering himself up as an easy vote.

So after Margot won immunity yet again, we all came to a decision, with some hesitancy, that lead to the vote out of Royal.

Thoughts on Royal: Dude I really do owe you an apology. You saw what I was doing to save face and to a certain degree I wanted to be seen that way. I did try to apologize this round and I was not going to lead you on further, and I meant it. After I'd been sobbing from Duke quitting I was ready to put the knives down. But then you posted and it was clear my attempt at a genuine apology wasn't seen as such. This game didn't do us many favors, but I saw you as a rival for a position in the game. So long as you were around, others kept you off limits. From a game perspective, anyone who is that well protected is a major threat, however on a personal level, I really just fucked up whatever relationship we could have had. I'm not saying I'm solely to blame, however I didn't help anything. I am truly sorry if I dug the knife too far in deep. You deserve that much from me at least. I wish we'd had more time to further some of our conversations. You don't have to believe me, but I don't have anything to hide.

However, because I did and because you made a speech, you highlighted what I was trying to do to lessen my threat level, and in the weirdest way telling me that you couldn't see how I could win, you gave me the tools I needed to progress forward. I took the advice you gave me to heart, and tried to rectify some of the things you said I was doing poorly. Thank you for the reality check, I needed the reminder. Even if I don't win here, I owe you thanks for posting what you did as I don't think I get to this point without it. I also do hope you had a great trip and got what you needed from it.

[close]

The Margot Vote:

Spoiler

After Royal left, there seemed to be a split: Me/Suzy/Gustave versus Richie/Madame/Margot. However the survivor gods intervened and found a challenge Margot wasn't amazing at and Richie won. If Richie had lost, I'm pretty sure he would have been discussed. However, with Margot not immune, it was now or risk her winning the final challenges and taking up a spot in the endgame.

Suzy and Gustave were fine with it, however Suzy expressed reservations because she didn't want to go to rocks. Since I was doing quite a few things with Suzy, I wanted to support her. It was a stalemate for awhile, however I tried something. Assuming Suzy wouldn't go to rocks, I had to do the unthinkable and potentially join the others in voting for Gustave. I didn't like this idea and it would leave me vulnerable, however the walls were closing in because Margot and Richie weren't budging. I tried selling Margot to Richie, but after having pushed for her as a vote during final 8, he changed his tune and instead now wanted Gustave out more than anyone else. So then my only avenue left was Madame.

However Gustave decided to tell Madame that he wouldn't consider me and Suzy, so what possible reason would Madame have to vote Margot? None.

I then approached Suzy and decided to propose an idea. What if we throw all of our cards in on Madame? I had been working with Madame and I knew she might be interested. In that moment, Suzy and I decided we would try to form a final 3 with Madame. Either she would be compelled to vote out Margot, or we would vote out Gustave with her in order to have majority.

For a long time, it was quiet and I wasn't sure if I'd done enough to pull it off, but about 2-3 hours before the vote was due, I got a message from Suzy who is about to board a plane that Madame was in and voting Margot. I just had to stare in disbelief that we pulled off avoiding a tie this round. It also turns out, while this was going on Richie decided I was a bigger threat to get out than Gustave and got Margot on board. So this move saved my game as we got the 4 votes we needed and Margot went home.

Thoughts on Margot: You are an incredible challenge performer. On top of that, you are an open and honest person. You speak your mind always. We had incredible discussions of keeping a balance of threats and non threats that was a shared goal. For a few rounds that is how things worked out. I think deep down we both knew it wasn't going to work forever, but I wish we'd gotten to do more "non game" talk in the final rounds we spent in game together. Nonetheless, you were one hell of a competitor and I liked your approach to the game. It was what drew me to you, and eventually made you too big of a threat to keep. I hope you can see that your vote was strictly business, but I do want to talk more post game and keep getting to know you.

[close]

The Suzy Blindside:

Spoiler

With Margot removed, Suzy, Madame, myself and Gustave were posed to be the f4, however Richie was the final obstacle. In addition, I suspected and shared my suspicions with at least Madame that I thought he had an idol, which was sort of confirmed from the Royal public post two rounds prior talking about an idol clue. However, I didn't really have a back up plan.

Once again Richie pulled off the win of the century in the challenge. And thus I was put in a horribly awkward spot. I had to vote out someone who had just saved me from being the boot. Suzy made it clear that she wanted to get to the end and had no confidence in her ability to win challenges. After a discussion, we decided to honor our agreement that we made with Madame or else we would feel really gross. This way, the final round would be Madame versus Richie. Richie also swore up and down that voting out gustave was his best option. So with three people telling me Gustave was the vote, I had to have the awkward conversation with Gustave. That's not to say I didn't approach Richie to get a sense of what he wanted to do. Due to a rings twist from the auction, he and Madame couldn't vote each other that round.

Little did I know, that my gut feeling that Richie had an idol was correct and he opted to save Gustave with it. In return, Gustave made a deal with Richie to tie the vote if he didn't win immunity, which he had to accept. I wish Gustave had approached me to discuss options, but I couldn't really hold that against him since I did something similar to him during final 10. The idol was played, I shit my pants, and Suzy went home.

Thoughts on Suzy: Suzy, I adored you this game and you know that. After our hesitation with each other, we broke down barriers with one another and formed quite a tight pairing. Half of the moves in this game wouldn't have been possible without you and together we moved mountains. Sam warned everyone that you and I would be a dangerous pair and we decided to prove him right. I had so much fun talking to you and weighing options. Even though it wasn't always sunshine and rainbows, we did work together very well. I would've been honored to sit next to you here and I think you played an incredible game. Thank you for being my partner in crime.

[close]

The Madame Vote:

Spoiler

Like any laid out plan, fate decided to shit on us this game. We were somehow in final 4 with Gustave and Richie. I warned you in advance that there was a chance things get awkward for me if Richie won again. I gave the challenge everything I had and came close to being immune, falling short by time. Richie was guaranteed the end and I had a tough choice to make. In a game about making the right choices, a wiser player than I once told me "if you have a good choice to make, you have to make it." And as much as I hated admitting it I had to vote you out. You were going to hands down win this game and if I even wanted to be heard here I had to vote you out. That doesn't mean I liked that vote. Had Richie lost the challenge, I may have been more compelled to consider other options, however once I saw results I had to follow my old mentor's advice. I took a page out of Royal's criticisms and rather than lie and lead you on, you deserved to know what I was doing. Roughly 20 hours later, what I assumed was happening, happened, leading to the final 3 you are now having to vote between.

Thoughts on Madame: AwoooOOOooOoOOoOOOoo. I absolutely loved sharing music with you this game. You helped pick me up during a really dark spot in this game for me. And I know you went to bat for me multiple times. I absolutely hated voting for you at f4 and it was probably the hands down hardest decision I made all game. Even though my head knew it was right, my heart hated this. You reminded me that you can't just play with your head all the time and you have to actually weigh decisions based on your heart as well. There were things we did for each other to sacrifice our own protections and as we joked about, there are too many debts to repay. I appreciated you this game and I feel like our relationship was not born out of tribal lines, but of our mutual respect for one another. I appreciate you and I meant what I said when I said I'm glad we met this game.

[close]

In Conclusion:

Spoiler

This game was one of the toughest games I've ever played. I have never felt more competent and less competent all at the same time. There were things I actively did to lessen my threat level at the merge. I tried to hear the information I was getting and play this game actively. If I felt like I was starting to play someone else's game, I did something else. I never stopped fighting to be here, despite two people quitting who I wanted to work with (I joke that I got the Aubrey Bracco experience I never wanted in my confessional), despite losing challenges by an agonizing one point or even a few minutes, and despite never truly being "individually" immune, I did what I absolutely had to do to be here. If I have hurt any of you on a personal level, I am truly sorry. At the end of the day, I had to wrestle with my head and heart. The choices I made got me here and I have to be proud that I applied mistakes of my past to get here. I turn the floor over to you and will do my best to answer any concerns or questions you have with me. I trust you are all smart enough to make the correct choice here and I hope you have come with an open mind are willing to hear me out. Thank you for taking time to read this.

[close]

[Oracle]

Attempt #3:

Hello Jurors,

I am honored to be here after this long journey. Along the way, I met great competitors and this was easily the most difficult game I have ever played. I learned a lot about myself, about each of you, and about what I am capable of adapting to. I'll attempt to explain my journey and my feelings about each of you.
(NOTE: My original speech was 7600 words so thank the mods for that gift.)

Camp Ivanhoe (relevant to Merge):

Spoiler

Early on, several social players stood out: Richie, Young and Suzy. I could see myself working with and against later on in the game. I also made strong connections with Gustave and Duke.

After the auction, an alliance came together called Society of the Crossed Keys (SOTCK) between myself, Suzy, Writer, Richie & Herman (the minimum bidders). In addition, The 4 Horsemen (4H) formed between Richie, myself, Anthony & Gustave. I was in a pretty good social position with two different avenues for information. In addition, Suzy and I had a big heart to heart and I saw her as someone I could work with long term.

When Richie "was forced" to mutiny to the other side and Peter mutinied, discussions went south. Peter went against Young Writer who had asked us to vote Sam. I felt like I was walking on eggshells, but sided with Writer. My relationship with Duke blossomed, which lead to him gifting me the Dog Flu Serum, a fact I kept secret until it became relevant. He sided with us in the vote and we got through 6-4.

[close]

Trash Island (relevant to merge):

Spoiler

I was put on this tribe with Anthony (who just voted Gustave) and Gustave. I also got to officially meet Madame D. and Margot Tenenbaum, both of which I'd met during the cross-communication round. Margot shared information with me and as a result I had an established relationship with her. Madame was also very sweet. Herman, Gustave, Suzy and myself formed a 4 person group "Ivanwho? Bark bark!". After Madame won immunity, we had two choices: Anthony or Margot. If we were to vote out Margot, and Duke, Richie and Writer somehow survived the vote on the other side, sending Margot home at this tribal would look awful. So we made the choice to let go of Anthony in order to help the others we were worried about.

[close]

The Peter Vote:

Spoiler

There were two people I hadn't chatted much with at this point: Buckley and Royal. I did my best to try to reconnect with Peter and get to know Buckley and Royal. Buckley and I formed a fast friendship which prompted a PM group with Buckley and Duke called BARK BARK BARK (BBB). In BBB, we literally just barked, which filled me with so much joy. In addition, I recommended Margot and Madame talk to Duke after they asked me if there was someone I trusted. It was an instant match and we formed a group called Across The Stars (ATS). The 4H group sans Anthony sort of came back together, even though we went on to be at each other's throats.

During this round, I was informed that I was "popular", "didn't make enemies" and "was well liked". I began to realize if I kept on this trajectory I was eventually going to get voted out for being "too likable". I began to start to think of ways that I could lessen that.

After Margot won immunity, the old members of SOTCK re-formed (kind of, it was shaky). However, concerns about Peter not supporting Writer during the mutiny round came up. It was determined that was the best path for the vote.

To Peter: I think you probably scared me the most out of anyone in the game. You had no problem shaking things up, as evidenced by Foxy's vote and how you approached me the mutiny round. However, I liked how forward you were and enjoyed that you came in and tried to break things up. It's probably how I would have played from a minority situation and I admire that fighting spirit in you.

[close]

Buckley Quits Round:

Spoiler

You quit early into the round, but I just want to say a few things.

To Buckley: One of my goals was all 3 dogs in a chat, just barking at each other. I had so much fun with you in the BBB PM. I was absolutely devastated when you left because I thought you would be incredible to work with. I very much enjoyed the dog spirit we shared in our many barking PMs with one another. Wish we had more time. Ear Droop.

[close]

The Writer Vote:

Spoiler

As a result of me being in both SOTCK and ATS, I suggested Royal to be the vote and was met with resistance. Richie, Writer, Madame and Margot pretty much shot me down. From that point on I started being wary because Royal and I hadn't had a really solid connection. The scope of what I was thinking had to change. I backed off, however Writer suggested Gustave and Duke. That wasn't going to fly with me, so I went to Gustave and fessed up to being in SOTCK and that his name came up. Well that kind of backfired because Gustave went around starting to stir the pot. However, it turned out Richie leaked this information and so I ran with it. I also suggested a Writer vote to the members of ATS because:

1. I had been walking on eggshells to try to keep his "friends" happy.
2. When I pitched Royal in SOTCK, he said "I don't want anything that has to do with a pagong."
3. When Madame's name was brought up later, he was fine with it.

This told me that he only wanted to go far with "friends" and I would have to rely heavily on him if I didn't do something about it. In any case, the only name SOTCK could agree on that round was Madame.

It was around this time Gustave started to pitch a vote split. I had no idea how this would work. So I went to Duke and told him about the option against Madame and decided that it would be fine so we could proceed in the next round with the numbers to go for the other members of SOTCK.

I suspected the round might tie, and if it did, I would need to utilize the additional 24 hours I had in order to gather information. During this time, I was able to confirm that Richie had been lying to me about several things. I went to Suzy, compared notes and decided we were done trying to play Richie's game. Despite Suzy leaking back to Richie minutes before the end of the round, I flipped my vote with Suzy.

To Writer: You deserve an apology. I told you something that made it seem like I wouldn't vote you, and then I did. I had a number of frustrations with you including the Peter situation. I decided I wanted to play my own game rather than be put in a situation where I could be picked off in favor of your friends. However, I didn't tell you what I was doing or how I was feeling. I'm truly sorry if I hurt you on a personal level. I told you I would give you thoughts on an animorphs video you shared with me. Let's chat more about the video later now that I've watched it, but I will leave you with, "My Andelite don't want none unless you got bun-zuh."

[close]

The Herman Vote:

Spoiler

Before results were up, Duke made a chat with myself, Herman, Suzy and Gustave known as 5vanhoe, 5VH. Duke had to act like he was blindsided and I informed Gustave a few minutes prior which gave genuine reactions. During the revote, Suzy and I didn't inform Herman that we were flipping and he was blindsided. However, without Writer, Herman needed somewhere to turn, so temporarily we were all in on 5VH.

In order to do damage control I decided to lay low, made easier when Duke, Margot, and I won the challenge (which I was asked to throw). So in a show of good faith, I decided to let others have "what they want". Margot and Madame made it clear they wanted Herman out, while Herman and Gustave wanted Madame. If a Madame vote went through, 5VH would be the majority alliance. Unfortunately, a leak gave Royal and Richie enough information to piece this together and it spread like wildfire close to the deadline. At that point, I needed to save face as Duke was spooked and with Gustave, we flipped to Herman.

Thoughts on Herman: You are a true and loyal guy. Although our communication broke down, you were all in on 5VH. I think your inherent ability to trust is admirable. It was an unfortunate series of circumstances that lead to your demise and it wasn't something I was intending to do. I'm really sorry I ended up voting you, but there wasn't another option with Suzy gone. I think this whole round was a bungled mess and you didn't deserve to go.

[close]

The Duke Quit Round:

Spoiler

In prior rounds, I had messages from Richie telling me how I was part of a pair and how I was the perceived social member. I already knew this since I was in multiple groups with Duke, talked him up with people, and we drew each other pictures in the art round. Richie was someone I absolutely wanted out because he was a smooth talker and most seemed to be on board to vote him.

Then Richie won immunity. This put me in an awkward spot because in ATS, the options to vote were Gustave, Suzy and Royal. Due to Gustave and Suzy being good allies, I suggested Royal. This was a risk as I suspected people would leak, which they did, however I'd been talking with Royal to see if we could work something out. But on paper it was the only option I could suggest without landing in hot water. Madame and Margot pushed back so I was ready to bow my head and give in. Then Duke came online and started pushing Royal. This put me in an awkward situation where I had to support Duke. After Herman left, Suzy, myself, Gustave and Duke formed a group called 4vanhoe 4VH (which made me laugh) and originally thought, Margot sounded like a good option since she was vulnerable.

At this time, Richie began telling people to vote Gustave. He already knew about 5VH last time and it was likely the remnants would form 4VH. He wasn't wrong, but 4VH felt like my best path to the end. I came up with a plan since we saw this vote heading towards a tie: we would vote Royal. I highly suspected no one would flip and it might be the only time rocks was truly considered. If Madame and Margot didn't budge, then five people would be up for elimination in rocks. This was the only chance I saw where we might take out Margot or Madame in the rock draw to remain intact. A 40% chance seemed like decent odds, so I said fuck it and was all in for it. I hoped then next round that I could talk to Royal and see if we could work something out.

And then Duke quit. And I went into a downward spiral.

Thoughts on Duke: You were my rock. You really kept me together in times I wasn't even sure what I was doing. You supported me every step of the way and I never doubted you. Seeing you go out this way was ruff. There's a bond between you and I that I treasure. You just get me. I hope to be lifelong friends with you after. You have one of the biggest hearts I've ever seen.

[close]

The Royal Vote:

Spoiler

Duke left and I began sobbing. I potentially had ruined my relationships with Madame and Margot, definitely ruined my relationship with Royal, and had been willing to gamble my own place in this game. Then the post from Royal got posted and was the cherry on top of a shittastic day. However, once I calmed down, I re-read it and saw that Royal had given me a gift. He'd publicly stated something that showed what I was doing to reduce my threat level was working. I was no longer part of a scary pair, Suzy and Gustave were both still in the game, and Royal offered himself up as an easy vote.

So after Margot won immunity yet again, we all came to a decision, with some hesitancy, that lead to the vote out of Royal.

Thoughts on Royal: Dude I owe you an apology. You saw what I was doing and to a certain degree I wanted to be seen that way. After I'd been sobbing from Duke quitting I was ready to put the knives down. But then you posted and it was clear my attempt at a genuine apology wasn't seen as such. This game didn't do us many favors, but I saw you as a rival for a position in the game. From a game perspective, anyone who is that protected is a major threat, however on a personal level, I really just fucked up whatever relationship we could've had. I'm not saying I'm solely to blame, however I didn't help. I am sorry. You deserve that much from me at least. I wish we'd had more time to further some of our conversations. You don't have to believe me, but I don't have anything to hide. I took the advice you gave me to heart, and tried to rectify some of the things you said I was doing poorly. Thank you for the reality check, I needed the reminder. I also hope you had a great trip and got what you needed from it.

[close]

The Margot Vote:

Spoiler

After Royal left, there seemed to be a split: Me/Suzy/Gustave versus Richie/Madame/Margot. Richie won the challenge and with Margot not immune, it was now or risk her winning the final challenges.

Suzy and Gustave were fine with it, however Suzy expressed reservations about rocks and I wanted to support her. It was a stalemate for awhile, however I tried something. Assuming Suzy wouldn't go to rocks, I had to consider potentially voting out Gustave. I didn't like this and it would leave me vulnerable, however the walls were closing in. I tried selling Margot to Richie, but after having pushed for her as a vote during final 8, he instead now wanted Gustave out more than anyone else. So then my only avenue left was Madame.

However Gustave decided to tell Madame that he wouldn't consider me and Suzy which made Madame hesitant.

I approached Suzy and decided to try something. What if we threw our cards in on Madame? Talks with Madame indicated she might be interest. In that moment, Suzy and I decided to suggest a final 3 with Madame. Either she would be compelled to vote Margot, or we would vote Gustave with her in order to avoid rocks.

I wasn't sure if I'd done enough to pull it off, but about 2-3 hours before the vote, I got a message from Suzy that Madame was in and voting Margot. I had to stare in disbelief that we pulled off avoiding a tie. While this was going on Richie decided I was a bigger threat and got Margot on board. So this saved my game as we got the 4 votes and Margot went home.

Thoughts on Margot: You are an incredible challenge performer and an open and honest person. We had incredible discussions of balancing threats and non threats. For a few rounds that is how things worked out. I wish we'd gotten to do more "non game" talk in the final rounds we spent together. Nonetheless, you were one hell of a competitor and I liked your approach to the game. It was what drew me to you, and made you a big threat. I hope you can see that your vote was strictly business, but I do want to talk more post game and keep getting to know you.

[close]

The Suzy Blindside:

Spoiler

Suzy, Madame, myself and Gustave were posed to be the f4, however Richie was the final obstacle. In addition, I suspected and shared my suspicions with at least Madame that I thought he had an idol, which was sort of confirmed from the Royal public post two rounds prior. However, I didn't have a back up plan.

Once again Richie won the challenge. This meant I had to vote out someone who had just saved me from being the boot. Suzy made it clear that she wanted to get to the end and had no confidence in her ability to win challenges. We decided to honor our agreement that we made with Madame or else we would feel really gross. Richie also swore that voting out Gustave was his preference and couldn't vote Madame because of rings. So with three people telling me Gustave was the vote, I awkwardly told Gustave.

Then the idol was played, I shit my pants, and Suzy went home.

Thoughts on Suzy: Suzy, I adored you this game and you know that. We broke down barriers and formed quite a tight pairing. Together we moved mountains with our moves. Sam warned everyone that you and I would be a dangerous pair and we proved him right. I had so much fun playing with you. I would've been honored to sit next to you here and I think you played an incredible game. Thank you for being my partner in crime.

[close]

The Madame Vote:

Spoiler

Against all odds, Gustave, Madame, Richie and myself were f4. I warned Madame in advance that there was a chance things get awkward for me if Richie won again. I gave the challenge everything I had and came close to being immune, losing the tiebreaker. Richie was guaranteed the end and I knew what choice I had to make. I took a page out of Royal's criticisms and rather than lie and lead Madame on, I told her what I was doing. Roughly 20 hours later, Madame was voted out.

Thoughts on Madame: AwoooOOOooOoOOoOOOoo. I absolutely loved sharing music with you this game. You helped pick me up during a really dark spot in this game for me. And I know you went to bat for me multiple times. I absolutely hated voting for you at f4. Even though my head knew it was right, my heart hated this. You reminded me that you can't just play with your head all the time and you have to actually weigh decisions based on your heart as well. There were things we did for each other to sacrifice our own protections and as we joked about, there are too many debts to repay. I appreciated you this game and I feel like our relationship was not born out of tribal lines, but of our mutual respect for one another. I appreciate you and I meant what I said when I said I'm glad we met this game.

[close]

In conclusion:

Spoiler

This game was one of the toughest games I've ever played. I have never felt more competent and less competent all at the same time. There were things I actively did to lessen my threat level at the merge. I tried to hear the information I was getting and play this game actively. If I felt like I was starting to play someone else's game, I did something else. I never stopped fighting to be here, despite two people quitting who I wanted to work with (I joke that I got the Aubrey Bracco experience I never wanted in my confessional), despite losing challenges by an agonizing one point or even a few minutes, and despite never truly being "individually" immune, I did what I absolutely had to do to be here. If I have hurt any of you on a personal level, I am truly sorry. At the end of the day, I had to wrestle with my head and heart. The choices I made got me here and I have to be proud that I applied mistakes of my past to get here. I turn the floor over to you and will do my best to answer any concerns or questions you have with me. I trust you are all smart enough to make the correct choice here and I hope you have come with an open mind are willing to hear me out. Thank you for taking time to read this.

[close]

[Oracle]

Attempt #4 Oracle starts from Scratch


Hello Jurors,

I am honored to be here after a really long journey. Along the way, I met great competitors and this was the most difficult game I have ever been part of. I learned a lot about myself, each of you, and what I am truly capable of doing and adapting to.

I'd like to start off addressing each of you which I hope provides insight into how I reached my voting conclusions:

To Peter:

Spoiler

You scared me the most because you had no problem shaking things up, and going against more social people; as evidenced by Foxy's vote and how you approached the mutiny round. However, I liked how forward you were and enjoyed that you came in to break things up. It's how I would've played that situation, and I admire that fighting spirit. It was inspirational.

For this round, I attempted to bury the hatchet, however two groups I was part of (Richie/Suzy/Writer/Herman and Duke/Margot/Madame) all decided that you were the best option. I think the mutiny played a big part in how this vote shook out. We had a crazy time and it's sad we didn't get a chance to explore what could've been.

[close]

To Buckley:

Spoiler

I had so much fun with you in the Doggo PM. One of my goals was to bark at each other in PMs and it tickled me pink. I was devastated when you left because you would've been an incredible person for me to work with long term. I very much enjoyed the dog spirit we embraced in our many barking PMs. The fact that you entertained my little bit of roleplaying this game was fantastic and in the words of Marie Kondo, "sparked joy."

You sent me a really sad PM before you left and I wish I'd had time to respond, so I'm going to do that now. I know what it's like to have to prioritize real life and you should 100% take care of yourself. You matter. I hope you got what you needed from leaving the game, and I can't wait to bark with you again!

[close]

To Young Writer:

Spoiler

Of everyone here, I did you the most dirty. I had a number of frustrations with you and decided I wanted to play my own game rather than be forced into a situation where I likely get picked off over your other friends. However, I blindsided you the worst because I didn't tell you how I was feeling.

You asked me to watch a video that I ran out of time to. Now that I've watched, it let's chat more about it later, though I can tell you I snorted at, "My Andelite don't want none unless you got bun-zuh."

A number of things came up this round. You said things that concerned me, including not wanting to pagong when Royal was brought up, but when Madame came up it was fine? In addition, I didn't understand what we were doing in Society of the Crossed Keys if not a pseudo South Pacific style pagong. I didn't think I could keep walking on eggshells, figuring out how to make this game work for both of us. That didn't mean I enjoyed voting you out, but I had to make a choice. I didn't see a better path to continue where we didn't arrive at a crossroads.

[close]

To Herman:

Spoiler

You are a loyal guy. Although we had communication issues, you were all in on 5vanhoe, after the breakdown of Society of the Crossed Keys, and I think your ability to trust is admirable. I enjoyed the talks we had and you likely would be here if you survived this vote. Unfortunate circumstances lead to your demise and it wasn't something I intended to do, but there wasn't another option I felt I could scramble together in 30 minutes with Suzy gone.

This round was ruff for me. Ideally 5vanhoe worked out and became majority after. However multiple leaks happened and spooked Duke which in turn meant we had to save face because we were also in an alliance with Margot and Madame. This was problematic because everything got back to them. Even if I had stayed on Madame that round, her idol would have negated the votes. You weren't the intended vote and I'm sorry it was you.

[close]

To Duke:

Spoiler

You were my rock this game. You kept me together in times I wasn't confident. You supported me and I never doubted your intentions. I hated seeing you go out this way because I just like you dude. There's a bond between you and I that I still can't explain. You just get me. I hope to be lifelong friends with you after. You have a big heart.

I was ready to go to rocks that round with the newly formed 4vanhoe. It felt like a very do or die moment. With both Madame and Margot available as options to be rocked out, I felt like our odds were pretty good. If you had told me to go Gustave I would have gone with it, but the fire and passion convinced me to stick to my guns, caused the tie and likely go to rocks. Thank you for the dog flu serum, that solidified a lot of trust with me.

[close]

To Royal:

Spoiler

I owe you an apology. You saw what I was doing and to a certain degree I wanted to be seen that way. After I sobbed from Duke quitting, I came to you with a genuine apology. But then you posted and it was clear my attempt was seen as another half-hearted cover up. This game didn't do us many favors by keeping us apart and I saw you as a rival for my position in the game. From a game perspective, anyone who is well protected is a major threat. However on a personal level, I really just fucked up whatever relationship we could've had. I'm not saying I'm the only person to blame, however I didn't help anything. For my part in this, I am truly sorry. You don't have to believe me, but I don't have anything to hide.

Because you made a speech, you highlighted what I was trying to do to lessen my threat level, and in the weirdest way telling me that you couldn't see me winning gave me the tools I needed to progress forward. I took the advice you gave me to heart, and tried to rectify some of the things you said I was doing poorly. Thank you for the reality check, I needed the reminder. I hope you had a great trip and got what you needed from it.

[close]

To Margot:

Spoiler

You are an incredible challenge performer and an open book. We had incredible discussions of keeping a balance of threats and non threats. For a few rounds that is how things worked out. I wish we'd done more "non game" talk as you expressed you wanted, in the final rounds we spent together. I think we both would've liked that. Your openness and challenge prowess was what drew me to you, and eventually made you too big of a threat. I hope you can see that your vote was strictly business.

Once you lost f6, I didn't want to take a chance that you would win the rest of the immunities. I've been in games where this has happened to me and I was laughed at for not taking the stab when I should've. This was the round I was most proud of because the work Suzy and I did talking Madame into a final 3 with us is what saved me from going home! I think we did our best to put the knives away for awhile, but we both had to do what we thought was best.

[close]

To Suzy:

Spoiler

I adored you this game. After our initial hesitation, we broke down barriers and formed a tight pairing. Together we moved mountains when we thought they wouldn't move. Sam warned everyone you and I would be a dangerous pair at merge and we decided to prove him right. I had so much fun talking to you and weighing options round to round. I would have been honored to sit next to you and I think you played incredibly. Thank you for being my partner in crime.

I had nothing to do with your elimination and with Madame, you and Richie all telling me Gustave, I thought this was a done deal. I appreciate you talking with me through this round and coming to a mutual decision on how to get farther. I nearly shit myself when I saw Richie play that idol, because it could've been either of us. A robbed queen.

[close]

To Madame:

Spoiler

AwoooOOOooOoOOoOOOoo. I loved sharing music with you. You picked me up during a really dark time post Duke. I know you went to bat for me. I hated voting  you at f4 and it was the toughest decision I made all game. Even though my head knew it was right, my heart hated it. There were things we did for each other to sacrifice our own protections and as we joked about, "there are too many debts to repay" which we had to end in a wash. I appreciated you and I feel like our relationship was born of our mutual respect for one another. I'm glad we met.

If Richie hadn't won immunity or Gustave had gone the round prior, you know I would have had other thoughts. But with Richie immune and being out of beneficial options, I had to finally put my heart aside and go with my head on this vote. This game was hard for me and you know that better than anyone, but I had to make the move that made sense here, and this was it. I am sorry if by voting you out I caused you any personal hurt. This game can really take a toll on people.

[close]

Closing thoughts:

Spoiler

This game was one of the toughest things I went through. I have never felt more and less competent at the same time. There were things I actively did to lessen my threat level at the merge where I could have been a Madame at f4 or a Suzy a f5 and taken out because I was too popular, or too likable, or not willing to make enemies (as was told to me). I gathered information to play this game actively, never locking myself into one specific path. If I felt like someone else took me for granted or I felt like I was playing someone else's game, I went against the grind and did something else. I never stopped fighting to be here because deep down, despite two people quitting who I wanted to work with (I joke that I got the Aubrey Bracco experience I never wanted in my confessional), despite losing challenges by an agonizing one point or even a few minutes, and despite many setbacks, I did what I had to do to be here. If I have hurt any of you on a personal level, I am truly sorry. At the end of the day, I had to make choices and those choices lead me here. I turn the floor over to you and will do my best to answer any concerns or questions you have with me. I trust you are all smart enough to make the correct choice here and I hope you have come with an open mind. Thank you for taking time to read this.

[close]

PS:

Spoiler

My original unedited speech was 7800 words long, please give the mods some thanks for forcing me to reduce this 2000 words or less haha. Bark bark!

[close]