Hello Madame!
Thank you. Like I said Royal's post changed a lot of how I was handling things, so the fact you noticed that change and how I personally felt my own play style and attitude shift evolve shows I took that to heart and was open to being willing to adapt and evolve to the game as the opportunities for such change presented themselves.
So you're correct. It is confusing. At times, I was confusing. This game was hard. I think I've stated that a few times. I was at war between what my head wanted to do and what my heart wanted to do this game pretty much through most of the early merge. My head kept screaming at me "you're too likable, do something to reduce your threat level, you do this every game and it gets you cut towards the end!", while my heart would scream in return "no that's not how good jury management and being a good ally works!"
In addition, between the two groups that originally formed that I was a part of between Richie/Suzy/Writer/Herman and Madame/Margot/Duke could not find targets that made sense after the Peter vote. In addition on original Ivanhoe I made a pretty strong relationship with Gustave as well.
In final 10 for example:
So Gustave sits there trying to go for Writer or Royal.
Writer says he wants to go for Duke, Gustave or you.
You and Margot wanted to go for Herman.
There were just a lot of conflicting desires of who to go for in the tangled social web I was part of because I wanted to be sure I was in the know and had an idea of how things were going to progress.
Let me be clear about one thing, the crying thing was absolutely true. I tried to play this game very round to round and read the room every time to see what moves made sense. But as I've stated what my head said "yes yes good move!" and "no no no that's your friend!" were very much constantly at war.
After the final 10, I had to see what made sense at final 9. At final 9 I had an opportunity presented I didn't have at final 10 when the grouping of Suzy/Duke/Gustave/Herman came together. This is when I began exploring that option. In my attempt to "pick a side" they all said your name, so I said, "okay." Because I didn't want to further complicate my own outlook on things after the final 10 flip and didn't want to be the big name pusher that round.
However the leaks happened, you found out, and things got complicated because I thought we were going to be a tight 5. When I recognized that was not actually the case and Duke was freaking out in private, I had less than 30 minutes to decide what the fuck I was actually supposed to be doing in that moment. Gustave was actually part of the reason that all got very complicated for me because from what I understand something he said got either interpreted incorrectly or misinterpreted? Something along those lines. Either way it basically got to a point where I had to decide to save face and just say "fuck it this 5 isn't working and I need to try to do some damage control" or potentially vote into an idol since the whole point was to either flush it from someone else or potentially out an idol without tipping anyone off.
The final 8 I was fully willing to be done with all the shenanigans and even though I suggested Royal as the vote initially, I was not going to fight you, Margot or Duke if going for Gustave is what you all wanted and was going to re-assess a lot of things. I told you that when Duke showed up and started saying "Royal royal royal" after having been somewhat absent a chunk of that round, that all of a sudden I felt a need to back up my buddy. Things at that point felt very different as I was trying to support Duke's personal interest in Royal, Your and Madame's personal interest in Gustave, Suzy, Richie and Gustave's interest in going for Margot, that whole thing was a whole mess. It felt like everyone had a different personal interest in who they wanted to see gone that round, from my point of view. And sure, was I ultimately thinking Suzy/Gustave/Duke might be a better option than Margot/Madame/Duke to roll with long term? It would be downright insulting to you at this point to say that I wasn't thinking that way. But was I immediately coming after you or Margot? No. Did I help to take the vote off of Margot? Yes. To me that was about as close as I was going to get to being "loyal" but again as I've stated I was in a morally grey phase. Things got heated, intense, and downright anxiety-inducing during the final 8 for me and it's hard to say I handled you, it or that round well at all. Eventually I had to decide if rocks was the best way to settle things as I did not see a vote of 5 getting agreed upon anywhere unless I outright voted Gustave and that wasn't in my best interests at the time. Would it have gone to rocks? That remains to be seen. Did Duke's quit alter how I was playing after? Absolutely. It's hard to say what happens if he quits early into the round how things play out. It's also hard to say what happens if we go to rocks. Would that have been the result anyways? Duke could have been rocked out at that point and I still have that change. It could have been me going in which case I'd take my 8th place trophy and call it a day.
F10-F8 was a very morally grey time for me where I had to figure out how to navigate people's personal interests but also find a way not to be "socially competent" and I took each situation this game as an opportunity.
You played in a very respectful way and were pretty much well liked by everyone. That got you cut at 4. Suzy played in what I would consider a very respectful way and was pretty much well liked by everyone. She got idoled out at 5. I have played enough of these games where playing respectfully and being well liked by everyone always gets me cut towards the end. It's something I was recognizing at the beginning of this merge that was starting to be true about me as well. I can't fully sustain a game where I am popular, well respected, and well liked forever because quite simply Madame, it gets me cut.
The fact of the matter, is that a little of both were true during that part. Originally, if I wanted to stick with Writer/Richie/Suzy/Herman, voting you out would have been the correct move especially if Gustave's vote split plan (that I still am trying to figure out how that would have actually worked) caused the issue. That doesn't mean I have to feel good about voting people out who are my friends, who does that normally?! This is a game where you build bonds and then are faced with a tough decision on whether cutting them or not makes sense to you. However, on the revote I gathered new information that basically said "red flag red flag!" about people in that grouping. This caused a shift where I had to decide to flip on the revote.
Where I'm going with all of this, is that final 10-final 8 tested me in a lot of ways and tested how adaptable and flexible my game actually was. I would be lying to say "I was only doing this to lessen my threat level" or "I was struggling to find a way to make all of my friends work together". Things got morally ambiguous for me, but also it was in these moments that I assessed the information I was getting as I was getting it to decide what made sense in those moments. I don't see why both can't be true? I played a very active, very flexible and very observant game where I had to adjust and tweak things on the fly in order to figure out what made sense to progress through.
I would ask to be considered for a vote because the cold, cutthroat lessen my threat level Oracle is not the same Oracle I became over the course of this game. I'm not a perfect doggo, but I learned. The journey of this game for me is the journey where I evolved my gameplay and really took to heart the feedback I was getting. I found my head and my heart struggling in this game to figure out what to do and after the final 8 I started to really show how I evolved as a person.
You are an intelligent, kind and thoughtful person Madame. You know how I made you feel, you've stated it and Royal has as well. There were no slouches in this game and things got intense and complicated. If you feel you should reward Gustave for that, I can't blame you. I did say in my speech that you are all a smart group of people and will make the correct choice. So if the game you want to reward is Gustave's, I have to respect that. If I didn't learn anything else this game, it's that I have flaws that I'm still constantly working on correcting about myself.
However I personally feel like I went through an evolution this game. I learned something about myself and my play style I never knew before and learned to take to heart the words I was given by Royal (and you) and how that affects other people. Does that mean I apologize for some of the intentionally (and some times unintentionally) messy parts I had? No. How else was I supposed to learn? You better than anyone else experienced this journey I went on as you stayed with me through final 4 so you saw how I was constantly struggling with my head and my heart probably better than anyone else.
So is my own personal evolution in how I viewed the game, that you have acknowledged you saw in me, something you want to reward? I would ask that be taken into consideration since you, probably more than anyone else, saw the change in me and I would be honored if your vote represented how far I have progressed my own line of thinking in how I play.
Let me know if you need further elaboration.
Topic: {Madame D.} (Read 279 times)
