Épisode Dix-Huit: Ze Struggle to Survive

[Hercule Poirot]

I may neglect my confessional for ze next day as I prepare for zis challenge. I think if zis challenge ees incredibly easy, zen M. Morningstar will win eet, but if eet ees 'ard enough, zen I 'ave a chance. We all saw 'ow 'e did on zat last challenge which was difficile, 'e immediately buckled under ze pressure. Although I did not win eet, I came closer zan anyone else to correctly solving ze mystery, because I was willing to put in ze prepwork ahead of time.

Ze same principle applies 'ere. I need to beat M. Morningstar. I think if I can win Immunity, I will be able to send M. Morningstar or M. Kennedy 'ome zis round based on what I decide. And I need one of zem gone. I am not sure which one yet. M. Kennedy ees loyal to me (allegedly), but ees no 'elp at all in challenges, so I would be on my own against M. Cohle, and I 'ave not be ze most reliable with challenges 'istorically, but zis game 'as drastically increased my confidence, and M. Cohle ees not zat amazing at zem 'imself.

I am giving zese next few rounds my all regardless. I'm proud of 4th place, but I would be even prouder of 3rd or 1st. And you are looking at someone who 'as 'ad a posting gimmick for ze entire game. I know 'ow to effort. Eet ees my greatest asset. I need to draw upon zat effort maintenant to win zese challenges.

[Hercule Poirot]

I told M. Cohle about ze votes on SVU. I don't know if zat ees foolish or not, and if I get voted out after losing Immunity to 'im I will feel like a fool, but I want to do everything I can to ensure zat M. Morningstar does not win eet, and also to make sure zat 'e trusts zat I am with 'im. 'E ees a player zat can recognize what ees in 'is own self-interest, and I think 'e will make ze moves zat 'e thinks are optimal. 'E came to me with ze idea of voting together 'ere first. I might be a fool for going along with eet, but 'e knows zat 'e needs me to go 'ome at F3 or 'e ees going to get third. I think 'e sees why we need each other 'ere.

[Hercule Poirot]

I am so frustrated with myself. I should 'ave won zat. I 'ad all of ze information at my disposal. I literally 'ad most of ze things zat were asked already written down in my notes. And zen one of ze few things I 'ad to look up, who described zemselves as reliable, tripped me up when I neglected to notice zat M. Cohle also 'ad. Eet was just stupide, stupide, stupide.

Ze pressure gets to me in zese challenges, mes amis. I prepare and prepare and zen crack when ze time comes to perform. If I go 'ome zis round, so be eet, but I really really do not want to. Eet ees 'ard not to feel like I probably just get to four and lose ze challenge zere too though. Maybe my best 'ope ees to get M. Morningstar to take me, but would 'e ever do zat?

[Hercule Poirot]

I'm just disappointed in myself. I could 'ave done eet in less zan ten minutes. I should 'ave.

[Hercule Poirot]

I find your social skills to be extremely threatening. It could also be that everytime someone speaks French in MS Survivor, they make it to the top four. Congratulations on immunity and making it to the top 20. What's your agenda for the next 24 hours?

Just a reminder. Heiji Hattori called eet during ze very first round. Speak French, mes amis. Eet gets you deep into games.

[Hercule Poirot]

I am honestly at peace. I may go 'ome zis round. I may go 'ome next round. I may make eet to ze end. No matter what, I made eet far, I played a full game, and I am proud of myself. And I did eet all while maintaining ze integrity of ze character of Hercule Poirot.

Zey don't call me ze greatest detective in ze world for no raison.

[Hercule Poirot]

Of course M. Morningstar won Immunity. Eet ees to be expected, really. Eet would 'ave been too easy a path to 'ave us all vote for 'im. And I probably get third zere anyway, so maybe zis ees for ze best.

Ze plan...

M. Morningstar votes me.
M. Kennedy votes M. Cohle.
M. Cohle and I vote M. Kennedy.

Zat ees my plan, anyway, and I'm going to go for eet.

[Hercule Poirot]

I could try to vote out M. Cohle. I worry zat by voting out M. Kennedy, I might be 2-1-1ing myself out of ze game. But zere eet ees.

I'm just upset with 'ow poorly I did. I should 'ave been like 40 minutes faster zan zat if not for my mistake. I wasted so much time.

[Hercule Poirot]

Zis round ees going to be a struggle, mes amis.

M. Morningstar and M. Kennedy both revealed zat zey are voting for me, so eet looks like I either 'ave to convince zem or I 'ave to win ze firemaking challenge against M. Kennedy (or M. Cohle ees not forcing a tie and I go 'ome no matter what).

[Hercule Poirot]

M. Kennedy's logique for voting me out ees infuriating. Eet ees "too risky" 'e says, because M. Cohle and M. Morningstar would be so mad at 'im next round.

Now I know I'm a hypocrite because eet actually ees risky and I am voting for 'im, so I'm being incredibly two-faced maintenant, but 'is reasoning ees so horrible. If you want me out because you actually want me gone, say eet. Don't 'ide be'ind being afraid.

I can't wait to defeat 'im in ze firemaking challenge.

[Hercule Poirot]

Honestly if M. Kennedy and I are making fire, zat could be fun in eets own way. Eet could be a fun Sundra and Becky making fire moment where eet ees a race to ze bottom.

To be ze second to worst, you 'ave to beat ze worst!

[Hercule Poirot]

M. Morningstar just forwarded a PM from M. Kennedy saying zat 'e wanted to vote me because of 'ow "emotional" I'm being. You're voting me! 'Ow do you expect me to react? Eet ees true though, I am ze kind of person to resort to emotional manipulation when my back ees up against ze wall. And in zis case eet ees actively disingenuous because I am voting for 'im while trying to emotionally manipulate 'im into saving me. Eet ees kind of scary to 'ave zat within you actually. To be able to gaslight someone and tell zem 'ow zere ees no danger at all and zey are being cowardly, when really I'm trying to get zem to walk into a trap and send zemselves 'ome. Moments like zis make me question a lot of things about myself. Zese games definitely 'ave revealed zis desperate side zat I don't necessarily love about myself. In zis case, I am fortunate zat eet did not rear eets 'ead until ze F4. I never 'ad zis pure desperation until maintenant.

[Hercule Poirot]

And I am at least self-aware about eet. I don't think most people who gaslight know zey are gaslighting. But eet does make you question things about yourself. Do I do zis when I'm not aware of eet too? Ees zis side of me really only reserved for Survivor games? Zis desperate, ugly, emotionally manipulative side?

[Hercule Poirot]

In some ways eet ees almost freeing to think about being eliminated. Ze thought zat even if I survive zis, I am probably going to go 'ome at 3 ees so demoralizing. But I do think zere ees a nonzero chance zat if I can win firemaking (or get one of zem to flip and iconically survive 2-1-1), I could make eet to ze end without winning ze F3 challenge. I think M. Morningstar would at least consider eet. 'E might be very annoyed at M. Cohle.

[Scully and Hitchcock]

M. Morningstar just forwarded a PM from M. Kennedy saying zat 'e wanted to vote me because of 'ow "emotional" I'm being. You're voting me! 'Ow do you expect me to react? Eet ees true though, I am ze kind of person to resort to emotional manipulation when my back ees up against ze wall. And in zis case eet ees actively disingenuous because I am voting for 'im while trying to emotionally manipulate 'im into saving me. Eet ees kind of scary to 'ave zat within you actually. To be able to gaslight someone and tell zem 'ow zere ees no danger at all and zey are being cowardly, when really I'm trying to get zem to walk into a trap and send zemselves 'ome. Moments like zis make me question a lot of things about myself. Zese games definitely 'ave revealed zis desperate side zat I don't necessarily love about myself. In zis case, I am fortunate zat eet did not rear eets 'ead until ze F4. I never 'ad zis pure desperation until maintenant.