-5,999: The Fish Monkey God invents banning and takes it a year into the past.
-5,998: The Fish Monkey God invents time travel. He uses it to get pizzas delivered faster.
-5,997: The Fish Monkey God invents pizza. The world rejoices.
-5,802: The events of /cows mafia take place.
-5,000: The Fish Monkey God invents The Fish Monkey God, in order to explain away a continuity error, and introduces more. No one rejoices.
-4,866: The Fish Monkey God invents another universe. He calls it Bobville. The continuity errors do not end.
-4,806: Bobville's first mayor is elected. He turns out to be a heretic.
-4,255 - -102: The Great Kitten and Duck War takes place. Very little recorded history.
-101: The Fish Monkey God resolves the Great Kitten and Duck War by creating a new species known as the /cows. This creates a continuity error.
82: The Empire is set up and the blue orb is forged.
247: The red orb is forged.
687: The events of Fish Monkey God Mafia take place.
Stars
The world of the Fish Monkey God has more stars than any other world in the known universes. There are fourteen known universes, and most of them have small to moderate quantities of stars, except for the planet on which the /cows exist. This planet has perhaps the most stunning array of stars possible: if one more star surrounded it within 100 million light years, it would begin a melting process that would ultimately result in some very overcooked /steaks. This is, of course, highly intentional, as the Fish Monkey God thinks that stars are about the best thing one can add to a universe to give it some extra cheer - it's like a throw pillow for the soul. Coincidentally, directly above the south pole of the planet is a constellation that looks startlingly like a throw pillow.
However, the most important star is the Blue Star, an oddly large star that only appears once a year, and only for a week. It is said that the light from this star will bless those with the Fish Monkey God's strength with immortality - effectively, anyone who has the Blue Orb of Protection's glow on them will be free from harm as long as the Blue Star shines over them.
The power of the Blue Star was first discovered by a group of mercenaries sent to kill a wicked /lost king. The king had stolen his way to power, and possessed the Orb of Protection. The mercenaries fought their way through the king's keep, saving prisoners and killing /lost throughout. Eventually they reached the king, tired but still strong after hours of battle. As several of the mercenaries made sure the king had no escape, one of them men stabbed the king through the heart. Pulling out his sword, he jumped back, while the king angrily ran at him. The battle continued for hours, until the men, feeling defeated, were slowly killed by the king. When morning finally came, the king's wounds immediately healed; but he was trapped in his chamber. The mercenaries who had not been in the battle, with the assistance of a traveler claiming to be a wizard, decided that the reason related to the star. After 4 days, they ventured back in, and defeated the king.
This week - the first week of the Imperial War, and the time of the annual Light of Night celebration - the Blue Star shines over the night sky, and the location of the red orb is unknown. What role it will serve, if any, only time will tell...
Signup Text
Fish Monkey God, the second tale in the /Cows legacy, takes place thousands of years after the Great /Lost War, which itself took place several millenia before the War of the Kittens and Ducks; it is the beginning battle of a war that nearly destroyed the world. Those involved in the battle ultimately will ultimately all be known as heroes, and how it will end no one can be sure.
The story begins on the first night of the Light of Night Festival, in the largest city in the world, the capital of the Empire (pictured below). Children run through the streets, while fireworks go off and people from all around the world gather to sell food and entertainment from their own people. The festival itself revolves around the blue orb that the Fish Monkey God supposedly gave to the First Emperor, hundreds of years ago; this orb joined another red one, both of which gave the Emperors of history great power and wisdom.
But as the red orb is brought down to the city square to be placed atop a giant glass fountain to commemorate the legacy of the Empire, a large boom is heard. The people of the city look around and discover smoke rising from the castle, near the Emperor's chambers. It quickly becomes apparent that the Emperor is being attacked; the stars aren't lit up in the sky yet. Another explosion of light fills the sky, this time causing beams of light to protrude down to eight of those in the streets, as well as in to the chamber of the castle where the explosion went off.
Another explosion in the sky startles the animals of a valley in an unexplored region of the world. As the beams of light reappear, twelve people materialize on the ground, wearing unusual, different clothing; each one wears a different cloak, each a different color. They look around, realizing that wherever they are it is now early in the day. Suddenly, another explosion produces a strange, orange and green light...
