Mini 1580: EpicMafiaTime [GAME OVER]

[Generic]

Ive done worse than that when I'm fed up boo, I will have to show you my mood swings in past games.

I day killed the doc on one occasion to get myself lynched because my son was ill once.

[Bookitty]

You realise I KNOW you're scum, right? RC could have hammered you for the win if he were scum.

Try to convince RC why you were voting to lynch him in concert with two people you claim now to have suspected to be scum. "I was fed up, so I wanted to lose it for town!" That should work.

[RedCoyote]

This reminds me of Mafia 125 in some ways, although I'm not nearly as emotionally invested in this one as I was in that one.

---

because if Generic wasn't the last scum, you would have voted him instantly for the win.

You would've known that already though, sister, given that Sal was trying to have me lynched, yeah?

---

I had a mad moment of panic that nats was the last scum with sal and thought if I was that wrong I needed to see if that would end the game. I was also hoping for a reaction since there was clear intent to set me up.

I don't understand. In your moment of panic in thinking that Nats and Sal are scum together... you vote me? Please understand, I'm not trying to talk down to you; I'm trying to understand your thought process.

Damn if that post doesn't sound Catholic confessional booth levels of genuine though.

I'm going to think on this a bit. I think I know what I have to do, but I am going to hold y'all in suspense a little while because I want to see what happens after I sleep on this.

[Bookitty]

You would've known that already though, sister, given that Sal was trying to have me lynched, yeah?

Pretty sure, yeah. If I'd had serious doubts I wouldn't have put my vote down on Generic. But there's no way that vote on you came from a townie imo.

Now I know for certain. I'm just bemused that Generic is trying to convince ME he always acts this way while voting me.

[Generic]

If nats was the last scum after sal had been hard selling me as a teammate, and our recent exchange where not only did you side with sal but you dropped a vote on me, I was left basically of the opinion that I was gonna get scapegoated eventually and I have too much to worry about without checking in on the latest argument I have to defend against. Like felt that either I was right about nats and she wouldn't hammer, or I was wrong and the game would end.

Sounds shitty, it is shitty. I am borderline autistic, I can be irrational. But it's the only stick boo has to beat me with.

I gave a good few points about her. She ignored them in favour of attacking my defense of my actions on that one thing. I point out nats death actually cripples me in this lylo phase, she ignores that too.

And boo, I'm justifying that I'm not a very rational person. That's for RC, not you. RC was proven town with sals play yesterday, nats made me realise that before the day ended. Why was that not apparent to you?

Strange also how she laid that vote and only through that vote found you to be town. So she gambled the game on a whim, funny how that's scummy when I did it. It is scummy what I did, but from a selfish person point of view.

Just be glad this wasnt yesterday, I would have self hammered the mood I was in.

[Skullduggery]

Day 6, Vote Count #2

(0) RedCoyote
(1) Bookitty -- Generic
(1) Generic -- Bookitty

Not Voting: RedCoyote

With 3 players remaining, it takes 2 votes to hammer.

Day 6 Will End on Wednesday, August 6th, at 9 p.m. eastern time.
Countdown: (expired on 2014-08-06 21:00:00)

Next time, we eat your grandma's droopy jowls.

.

[Bookitty]

@RC: I know you've read this, since you've mentioned it:

I kind of love you, Nati.

Thank you.

VOTE: Salamence

I can flavour claim too if it matters. But yeah, I'm town

You realise that if I were scum, I could have voted you at that point and won the game, right? If I were scum, why would I vote for Salamence over you when voting you would have won the game for scum? Generic changed his vote from you to Sala AFTER I voted Sala. There were still two votes on you (Sala, Generic) when I put my vote down on Sala-scum.

Actions speak louder than words, no?

[Generic]

Well there it is.

Excellent boo, you managed to find the flawless point I couldn't argue against.

unvote, vote generic

I just hope I made a game of this. We'll done to you guys, this was not going your way at all if you look at how we were being townread.

At least I got to end it

[Generic]

My gut told me you were lying nats. When you said you wanted to hammer the alarm bells went off but I had already pulled out of two sal votes and he had basically sold me out when he bought into the gambit, so I hoped I was just being paranoid and lazily decided to drop the naked vote and end it.

Then when you revealed I had read the situation right I decided to see if I was capable of overturning the odds, much like I tried in a game in mtgs where I was cop investigated as scum and nearly sold them that I was the doc... I say nearly, much like here I managed to create a lot of doubt until he real doc countered me and I was sunk.

Had I not been suffering so much away from this I may have focused more, but all credit to both nats and boo for making this a town win when you guys were all but done.

[Bookitty]

In honour of Natirasha, who in my opinion won this game for town:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u88th9aedKU

[RedCoyote]

Huh.

Well, I'm glad in the sense that we win, but I'm kind of disappointed you gave up there, Generic. In all honesty, I was seriously considering lynching Boo despite all clear evidence to the contrary. I wasn't terribly confident in my reads this game given Sal/Mirhawk/SG's flips. I also suspected both of our masons strongly, and never really suspected either Sal or Generic for virtually the entire game.

I don't know whether I would've went through with it or not, but I knew that if I went against the wishes of Nat and was wrong, I'd have been extremely depressed.

Anyway, just really shocked you'd give up like that in light of how conflicted I had been acting these past two game days. I guess we'll wait and see what the mod has to say.

[Bookitty]

I figured you would lynch me, RC, despite all logic and reason. I made that last argument just so you couldn't point to me after the fact and say I hadn't fought hard enough. I thought it was clear logic that I wouldn't go against my win condition just for the opportunity for a three-way LYLO. I don't really understand how you could ignore that logic based on comments that I thought might have been made to avoid the NK. Even Generic thought that argument was unanswerable; I don't see why you wouldn't.

Anyway, well played, Nati, and thank you for the fun game, Skullduggery.

[1 vs 100]

I don't know if I would've or not. Now we'll never know. All I'm saying is that I may have!

[Bookitty]

I don't know who you are. If you are RC, you're telling Generic he shouldn't have given up because you believe I am so terminally stupid that I wouldn't vote to win the game when I had the chance. Either that, or not going against Nati's wishes is more important to you than winning the game.

You can see how that wouldn't inspire me with happiness and confidence, right?

[RedCoyote]

Yes, that's me.

Boo, don't take it so personally. It had less to do with you than it did Nat's commentary. Nat didn't go into death saying, "btw RC, I strongly think Boo is the last scum based on X, Y and Z, but good luck". Nat was very sure about the prediction. Nat had effectively just won the game for the town, as you yourself admitted, and should rightfully be recognized as MVP, imo. I can only assume Nat had taken the time to realize you had the opportunity to hammer and neglected to before making such a definitive statement like that.

Look, I mean, maybe it would've been easier for you to completely dismiss what Nat's dying wishes were, but it hit me at the core. If it had been something, I don't know, NV said, it would've meant considerably less to me.

[Generic]

If I had of won this I wouldn't have felt as good about it even though I had overturned the odds. And the reason was nats play was great and since I hadn't counter played it as I should have she deserved her team to win through it. And bookitty's final argument was flawless, so I would have been surprised if you had of still voted against boo.

I would rather have took the dive knowing that you genuinely were unsure and that my efforts were good enough to put you in that position, while still avoiding anyone coming out if this making a silly decision.

I really do appreciate the honesty though RC, I will remember you for that

Nats, you are a star as always, I hope you don't hate me too much for fooling you.

Boo, an absolute pleasure playing against you and it's a shame it might not happen again in the near future.

Sal, besides that play on the 2nd to last day you were a great scumbuddy, look forward to seeing you again in a game. And for those wondering why our arguments felt so genuine... They kind of were we are both very egotistical and aggressive players who know how to play scum, a clash of personalities made for a great foil to sell distancing.

I am singling out names but to you all I had fun playing in this game with you. No grudges I hope.

And to skulduggery, who I think might have been rooting for me a little bit at the end, thanks for the great game.

I apologise for my emotional issues, I have been having some very bad RL issues including a close family member being diagnosed with a tumour (she's only 3) so I'm afraid I'm not in a great place right now. But I saw the game through and I hope you all can forgive that I simply had no more fight left to give.

[Bookitty]

I would never have voted you save for Nati's play, Generic. So I have to commend you on maintaining absolutely seamless play in my eyes throughout every day but the last one. I sympathise with your real-life issues, as I'm having a few of my own.

@RC: I apologise for snapping at you over that. I just think the game has changed a LOT since I used to play and I feel pretty much like a dinosaur now Sorry for being overly sensitive and bitchy.

[Lady Lambdadelta]

how do you fall for a gambit like that?

[Generic]

It's a shame you did so little to stay alive LLD, you might have been able to affect such a thing.

[Skullduggery]

Day 6, Final Vote Count

(0) RedCoyote
(0) Bookitty

(2) Generic -- Bookitty, Generic

Not Voting: RedCoyote

With 3 players remaining, it took 2 votes to hammer.

.

[Skullduggery]

Shhhh. Listen to me, Internet. Listen to me. I'm about to speak something so truthfully true that not even a million liars calling it false for a million years will ever be able to make it not-true. Are you ready for this life-altering truth bomb? Here it goes.

Bacon makes everything better.

Now you might be thinking to yourself that I'm exaggerating when I say "everything." You would also be wrong, and you should hate yourself for being so wrong and stupid and foolish and also wrong. Cheeseburgers? Better with bacon. Omelets? Better with bacon. Apple pie? Better with bacon. Weddings? Better with bacon. Yoga? Better with bacon. Arson? Better with bacon. Dwarf tossing? Chess-boxing? Mahjong? Underwater basket weaving? Competitive gardening? Jetski duck polo? All of it gets exponentially better with bacon. Bacon makes the world go 'round, and don't you ever forget it!

Generic has been lynched on Day 6. He was

Bacon, Mafia Roleblocker

.

There. Most of us had to die in the process, but we finally got rid of all the greasy traitors in our kitchen. What'chu know about Mafia, Internet? Well, as it turns out, looks like you know quite a bit. Good job. Now get your butts over here and help me eat this latest culinary abomination of ours before it gets cold.

RedCoyote survives to the end. He was

Fast Food Lasagna, Greasy Townie

.

Bookitty survives to the end. She was

Baconator, Greasy Townie

.

Which means...

Next time, we eat a Town victory!

RedCoyote, Wolfy, d3x, Not Voting, Bookitty, Kthxbye, havingfitz, Squirrel Girl, Mirhawk, and Natirasha have won the game!

.

[Skullduggery]

.

Dead topic is here. Does anyone have any objections to me making the Scum topic and Mason topic public?

Game Setup, Lynches, and Night Actions:

01 - RedCoyote (Fast Food Lasagna, Greasy Townie)
02 - Wolfy/tn5421 (A Bottle of Jack Daniels, Town Doctor)
03 - d3x (Sterling, Town Watcher)
04 - Not Voting (Epic Mook, Town Mason)
05 - Bookitty (Baconator, Greasy Townie)
06 - Kthxbye (Kyla Leon, Greasy Townie)
07 - Havingfitz/Haschel Cedricson (Prince Atari, Town Mason)
08 - Squirrel Girl/Jake from State Farm (Harley Morenstein, Bulletproof Townie)

09 - Lady Lambdadelta/tysker (Cousin Dave, Mafia Goon)

10 - Mirhawk (Tyler, Greasy Townie)

11 - Generic (Bacon, Mafia Roleblocker)
12 - Salamence20 (MusclesGlasses, Mafia One-Shot Strongman)

13 - Natirasha (Poutine, Greasy Townie)

=======

Day 1:

Kthxbye is lynched

Night 1:

Generic blocks Mirhawk
Wolfy protects Haschel Cedricson
Lady Lambdadelta kills Wolfy
d3x watches Wolfy

Day 2:

Lady Lambdadelta is lynched

Night 2:

Generic blocks d3x
Salamence20 kills havingfitz
d3x watches himself

Day 3:

Mirhawk is lynched

Night 3:

Generic blocks Not Voting
Salamence20 kills d3x (Strongman kill)
d3x watches Not Voting

Day 4:

Squirrel Girl is lynched

Night 4:

Generic blocks RedCoyote
Salamence20 kills Not Voting

Day 5:

Salamence20 is lynched

Night 5:

Generic blocks Bookitty
Generic kills Natirasha

Day 6:

Generic is lynched


RedCoyote survives and wins
Bookitty survives and wins

[Skullduggery]

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for...role PMs!

Spoiler:

What up, Squirrel Girl/Jake from State Farm. You're playing

EpicMafiaTime

, and you just lucked the f**k out, bro, because you get to be the Sauce Boss himself! You are

Harley Morenstein, Bulletproof Townie

.

"Double bacon cheeseburger pancake. Such a smart sequence of words has never escaped my mouth before."

Look at that beard. F**king look at it. Do you have a beard like that? Do you even have a beard at all? If you do, I have it on good authority that if Harley's beard had a beard of its own, Harley's beard's beard would still be better than your beard. That beautiful beard hair is so thick and luxurious, it can even stop bullets in their tracks. Don't believe me? Just watch what happens when some candy-ass jabroni tries to gun you down at night.

Daytime Abilities:

During the day, vote to lynch another player.

Nighttime Abilities:

You can't do s**t at night.

Passive Abilities:

You're Bulletproof, you lucky bastard. That means that if any chump tries to kill you during the Night phase, it's not going to work. You're too badass to die like a bitch at night, and don't you forget it!

Win Condition:

You win when all the not-Town players are dead and there's at least one Town player still alive.

Reply to this PM to let me know that you understand your role and that you've read and understand the game's rules. And hurry the f**k up -- the game won't begin until I get at least 11 responses.

===

What up, Wolfy/tn5421. You're playing

EpicMafiaTime

, and you get the privilege of being the alcoholic beverage that leads to more poor decisions than astronomy, mood rings, and Miss Cleo combined. You're

A bottle of Jack Daniels, Town Doctor

.

You may not realize this just by watching our show, but here at EpicMealTime, we have a drinking problem. We love liquor more than any human being ought to love an inanimate object -- and then we consume the thing that we love like we're in some kind of bizarre Asian fetish video. You solve all of our problems, Jack Daniels. You make everything better.

Daytime Abilities:

During the day, vote to lynch another player.

Nighttime Abilities:

When I was a kid and I skinned my knee on the sidewalk or got rug burns from playing indoor football with my burly siblings or whatever the f**k, my dad would give me a shot of Jack Daniels to make all the pain go away. That's why my dad is better than your dad, but it's also why you're a Doctor in this game. When Night gets here, pick another living player in the game and that player will be protected from any kills that some hater tries to send their way. You can't protect yourself, though, because a shot of Jack Daniels drinking itself is just weird.

Passive Abilities:

Nope!

Win Condition:

You win when all the not-Town players are dead and there's at least one Town player still alive.

Reply to this PM to let me know that you understand your role and that you've read and understand the game's rules. And hurry the f**k up -- the game won't begin until I get at least 11 responses.

===

What up, d3x. You're playing

EpicMafiaTime

, and you'll be taking the role of

Sterling, Town Watcher

.

Now I know what you're thinking: "Who the f**k is Sterling and why should I care about him?" Allow me to drop a knowledge bomb on your candy ass: Sterling is the co-founder of EpicMealTime alongside the Sauce Boss Harley Morenstein, but you probably don't recognize him because he was usually the guy filming the mayhem and he only showed his face on-camera a couple times. You would know that already if you were a

real

fan of EpicMealTime, you f**king poseur. But whatever, now you know, and knowing is half the battle. (The other half is ruthlessly murdering your enemies with the biggest, manliest guns you can find. Have I mentioned that we've met Arnold Schwarzenegger before and you haven't? That's a thing that's the truth.)

Daytime Abilities:

During the day, vote to lynch another player.

Nighttime Abilities:

You operate the camera, so what the f**k do you

think

your role is gonna be? You're a Watcher, obviously. During the Night phase, pick another living player to watch and you'll be told who, if anyone, performed an action on that player during the Night. You can even watch yourself if you're into that sort of thing, you kinky motherf**ker.

Passive Abilities:

Nope!

Win Condition:

You win when all the not-Town players are dead and there's at least one Town player still alive.

Reply to this PM to let me know that you understand your role and that you've read and understand the game's rules. And hurry the f**k up -- the game won't begin until I get at least 11 responses.

===

What up, Not Voting. You're playing

EpicMafiaTime

, and you get to be one of only two people on this entire f**king show who actually knows a thing or two about cooking. You are

Epic Mook, Town Mason

.

"If you ain't speaking that Gwopanese, then you ain't speaking my language!"

Aside from having the second-best facial hair on the show, you're also a real-life culinary ninja. You make up one-half of Team Cuisine alongside your partner in crime, Prince Atari. Together, the two of you are as unstoppable in the kitchen as Hulk Hogan and "Macho Man" Randy Savage were in the wrestling ring when they formed The Mega Powers and laid the smackdown on their enemies years before The Rock was even old enough to know what a smackdown is.

Daytime Abilities:

During the day, vote to lynch another player.

Nighttime Abilities:

During the night, you can talk to your Mason buddy right here in this private topic. You can talk about whatever the f**k you want as long as you're okay with me creepily listening in on your conversation.

Your Mason partner is

havingfitz/Haschel Cedricson (Prince Atari)

. It's cool, he's aligned with the Town too. You can trust me; I'm from the Internet.

Passive Abilities:

Nope!

Win Condition:

You win when all the not-Town players are dead and there's at least one Town player still alive.

Reply to this PM to let me know that you understand your role and that you've read and understand the game's rules. And hurry the f**k up -- the game won't begin until I get at least 11 responses.

===

What up, havingfitz/Haschel Cedricson. You're playing

EpicMafiaTime

, and you get to be one of only two people on this entire f**king show who actually knows a thing or two about cooking. You are

Prince Atari, Town Mason

.

"And you put it in the oven, and then you win."

You may be a goofy motherf**ker, but when it comes time to throw down and get serious in the kitchen, you transform into a deadly culinary assassin. Together with Epic Mook, you form one-half of Team Cuisine, a lethal two-person culinary combination that has handled more meat over the years than a Bangkok prostitute.

Daytime Abilities:

During the day, vote to lynch another player.

Nighttime Abilities:

During the night, you can talk to your Mason buddy right here in this private topic. You can talk about whatever the f**k you want as long as you're okay with me creepily listening in on your conversation.

Your Mason partner is

Not Voting (Epic Mook)

. It's cool, he's aligned with the Town too. You can trust me; I'm from the Internet.

Passive Abilities:

Nope!

Win Condition:

You win when all the not-Town players are dead and there's at least one Town player still alive.

Reply to this PM to let me know that you understand your role and that you've read and understand the game's rules. And hurry the f**k up -- the game won't begin until I get at least 11 responses.

===

What up, Mirhawk. You're playing

EpicMafiaTime

, and I'm real sorry that you have to be everyone's least favorite drooling man-child --

Tyler, Greasy Townie

.

"Pissing your pants is mainstream. That's why I s**t 'em."

Nah, I'm just kidding. We love you, Tyler. Despite your near-constant bouts of crippling dumbassery, you were actually the one who calculated all the calories in our epic meals during the early episodes before we replaced you with that trained monkey who could do the exact same thing but with far fewer incidents of feces-flinging.

Daytime Abilities:

During the day, vote to lynch another player.

Nighttime Abilities:

You can't do s**t at night.

Passive Abilities:

Nope!

Win Condition:

You win when all the not-Town players are dead and there's at least one Town player still alive.

Reply to this PM to let me know that you understand your role and that you've read and understand the game's rules. And hurry the f**k up -- the game won't begin until I get at least 11 responses.

===

What up, Kthxbye. You're playing

EpicMafiaTime

, and if you're the type of guy (or girl -- I ain't gonna judge) who likes the lady-types with the boobs and stuff, then I think you're gonna like your role. You are

Kyla Leon, Greasy Townie

.

"Call up your physician. S**t's about to get real in here!"

Here at EpicMealTime, we love sausage. You know what we don't love, though? Sausage-fests. Luckily, you're here to break up all that penile c**k-swinging with your girlish anti-penis. Whether you're helping us cook some delicious candy bacon or showing the world how to properly handle a massive meat log, you're never afraid to get your hands dirty alongside the big boys. (Literally. We're huge. Harley is, like, two feet taller than you.)

Daytime Abilities:

During the day, vote to lynch another player.

Nighttime Abilities:

You can't do s**t at night.

Passive Abilities:

Nope!

Win Condition:

You win when all the not-Town players are dead and there's at least one Town player still alive.

Reply to this PM to let me know that you understand your role and that you've read and understand the game's rules. And hurry the f**k up -- the game won't begin until I get at least 11 responses.

===

What up, Bookitty. This is

EpicMafiaTime

, and you're the undisputed king of the fast food world:

Baconator, Greasy Townie

.

You're more than just a cheeseburger with bacon. Nah, son, you're the motherf**king

Baconator!

Burger patties, cheese, bacon strips, ketchup, mayo, more bacon strips, and enough grease to lube up 1990s-era Hulk Hogan for three months straight. You're delicious, Baconator. Unfortunately, being delicious doesn't mean you get to have a cool role, so you're just a Greasy Townie in this game. A

delicious

Greasy Townie.

Daytime Abilities:

During the day, vote to lynch another player.

Nighttime Abilities:

You can't do s**t at night.

Passive Abilities:

Nope!

Win Condition:

You win when all the not-Town players are dead and there's at least one Town player still alive.

Reply to this PM to let me know that you understand your role and that you've read and understand the game's rules. And hurry the f**k up -- the game won't begin until I get at least 11 responses.

===

What up, Natirasha. You're playing

EpicMafiaTime

, and you get to be a dish that is very near and dear to our clogged Canuck hearts:

Poutine, Greasy Townie

.

Aside from hockey, maple syrup, fantastic health care, beavers, lumberjacks, maple leaves, Tim Horton's, and Bret "The Hitman" Hart, is there anything more Canadian than poutine? No there is not, and anyone who says otherwise is a f**king liar and you need to stop being friends with that awful person immediately. French fries, cheese curds, gravy, and enough Canadian love and nostalgia to choke a moose -- that's what poutine is all about.

Daytime Abilities:

During the day, vote to lynch another player.

Nighttime Abilities:

You can't do s**t at night.

Passive Abilities:

Nope!

Win Condition:

You win when all the not-Town players are dead and there's at least one Town player still alive.

Reply to this PM to let me know that you understand your role and that you've read and understand the game's rules. And hurry the f**k up -- the game won't begin until I get at least 11 responses.

===

What up, RedCoyote. You're playing

EpicMafiaTime

, and you get the honor of being the culinary abomination that made "EpicMealTime" a household name. You are

Fast Food Lasagna, Greasy Townie

.

If there's one thing we love more than eating delicious food, it's eating delicious food while getting paid that YouTube money. That's why we're especially proud of the Fast Food Lasagna, our most-watched video (23 million views and counting!) and one of our most delicious culinary creations. Go watch it a couple more times and then lie to my face and tell me that it doesn't make you hungry or horny

or both at the same time.

Daytime Abilities:

During the day, vote to lynch another player.

Nighttime Abilities:

You can't do s**t at night.

Passive Abilities:

Nope!

Win Condition:

You win when all the not-Town players are dead and there's at least one Town player still alive.

Reply to this PM to let me know that you understand your role and that you've read and understand the game's rules. And hurry the f**k up -- the game won't begin until I get at least 11 responses.

===

What up, Salamence20. You're playing

EpicMafiaTime

, and if you've ever wanted to entertain the possibility of approaching the vicinity of possibly being maybe about 1/10th as cool as MusclesGlasses, then today's your lucky day. That's because you are

MusclesGlasses, Mafia One-Shot Strongman

.

"..."

If you were to look up the word "douchebag" in the dictionary, you wouldn't find it because it's a slang term and Merriam-Webster is too snooty for that s**t. Also, I would ask you what was wrong with your phone and/or computer since nobody uses dictionaries anymore. It's 2014, grandpa. Google that s**t.

...what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, your role. You have muscles, you have glasses, and you have an insatiable desire for delicious dead animals. Unfortunately, pumping all that iron at the gym has done some really weird things to your testosterone levels, so now you also have an insatiable desire to kill the rest of the EpicMealTime cast. You know what, though? It's way better to be killed by your muscley hands than by some bitch-ass heart attack caused by years and years of relentless bacon consumption. Really, you're doing them a favor.

You ain't working alone, though. Your partners in crime are

Generic (Bacon, Roleblocker)

and

Lady Lambdadelta/tysker (Cousin Dave, Goon)

. You can talk to each other in this private topic during the Night phases and during the pre-game.

If you ever feel like you need a fake-claim for whatever reason, I can guarantee that

Lemmy Kno

is not a character in this game because nobody gives a s**t about Lemmy Kno. You can trust me; I'm from the Internet.

Daytime Abilities:

During the day, vote to lynch another player.

Nighttime Abilities:

During the Night phase, you and the rest of the Mafia team can decide which one of these clueless jabronis gets iced. Only one of you can perform the kill.

Those muscles aren't just for show, though. On any given night, you can enter Hulk Mode to break through any protective measures there might be and

guarantee

that your kill hits home. You may be strong as a motherf**ker, but after years of maintaining a strict diet of Baconators, hard liquor, and straight-up bacon grease, your stamina isn't that great and you can only do the Strongman thing once. And in case it wasn't obvious, clown shoes, you're the only one on the team who can perform a Strongman kill, so don't go getting your greasy ass lynched before you can use it. That would be the opposite of smart.

Passive Abilities:

Nope!

Win Condition:

You win when the number of Mafia players in the game equals or exceeds the number of not-Mafia players or nothing can prevent this from happening.

Reply to this PM to let me know that you understand your role and that you've read and understand the game's rules. And hurry the f**k up -- the game won't begin until I get at least 11 responses.

===

What up, Generic. You're playing

EpicMafiaTime

, and you are delicious, delicious

Bacon, Mafia Roleblocker

.

Do me a favor, dawg. If you ever meet someone who doesn't agree that bacon is the most perfect food on the face of the planet, find the nearest pointy object and shank that motherf**ker until all the stupid bleeds out of him. Bacon is goddamn delicious and you should eat as much of it as you can. Always remember that in an alternate dimension somewhere, sentient pigs are eating strips of human flesh, so it's your duty to maintain balance in the universe by consuming copious amount of bacon and bacon-related products to remind those snooty swines that they're delicious

and they'd better not forget it.

You ain't working alone, though. Your partners in crime are

Salamence20 (MusclesGlasses, One-Shot Strongman)

and

Lady Lambdadelta/tysker (Cousin Dave, Goon)

. You can talk to each other in this private topic during the Night phases and during the pre-game.

Daytime Abilities:

During the day, vote to lynch another player.

Nighttime Abilities:

As delicious as bacon is, it has a bad habit of gumming up our hearts with greasy gunk that eventually kills us. Our hearts may be dumber than dumb for not realizing how great bacon is, but since we kind of need them to live, I guess we aren't in a position to question their stupid, horrible decisions. Luckily, you can use this to your advantage since you block roles even better than you block arteries. During the Night phase, you can target another living player in the game. They'll be too busy filling their ventricles with magical heart-stopping bacon grease to perform any night actions that they might have.

Plus, you and the rest of the Mafia team can decide which one of these clueless jabronis gets iced during the Night phase. Only one of you can perform the kill.

Passive Abilities:

Nope!

Win Condition:

You win when the number of Mafia players in the game equals or exceeds the number of not-Mafia players or nothing can prevent this from happening.

Reply to this PM to let me know that you understand your role and that you've read and understand the game's rules. And hurry the f**k up -- the game won't begin until I get at least 11 responses.

===

What up, Lady Lambdadelta/tysker. This is

EpicMafiaTime

, and I hope you're ready to straight-up murder some fools, because you are

Cousin Dave, Mafia Goon

.

"I fully had lines to say, and...you just jacked it all."

What's not to love about Cousin Dave? You've always been the responsible member of the group who holds s**t together, but now you're thinking it's about time to start getting some sweet, sweet revenge on those douchebags that are always trying to hold you down. Oh, what's that? The rules of society say that killing people is illegal? F**k the rules! The rules also say that Jewish people can't eat pork products, but that doesn't stop you from filling every orifice of your doughy Hebrew body with delicious bacon at every opportunity! Why are you a Goon then? Because Harley called you a goon in the Epic Eggroll episode, that's why! Stop asking so many questions!

Anyway, you ain't working alone. Your partners in crime are

Salamence20 (MusclesGlasses, One-Shot Strongman)

and

Generic (Bacon, Roleblocker)

. You can talk to each other in this private topic during the Night phases and during the pre-game.

Daytime Abilities:

During the day, vote to lynch another player.

Nighttime Abilities:

You and the rest of the Mafia team can decide which one of these clueless jabronis gets iced during the Night phase. Only one of you can perform the kill.

Passive Abilities:

Nope!

Win Condition:

You win when the number of Mafia players in the game equals or exceeds the number of not-Mafia players or nothing can prevent this from happening.

Reply to this PM to let me know that you understand your role and that you've read and understand the game's rules. And hurry the f**k up -- the game won't begin until I get at least 11 responses.

[Skullduggery]

That concludes Mini 1580: EpicMafiaTime! Thanks a lot for playing, everybody! We got off to a bit of a rough start, but overall, this was a fun game to moderate and I really enjoyed watching everyone play. Congratulations, Town!

Hope everyone had fun.

[Cabd]

Nati joins team neutral survivor!