Roll to Dodge II - Again!

[yellowbounder]

Hey guys, want to Roll to Dodge? (Game originally by Korejora.)

Rules are very simple.

Step 1) Do stuff.

Step 2) I roll a die and tell you what actually happens.

If something is coming to hit you, even if it's not your turn, you'll get a roll to dodge it. You lose if you die. You win if all the other players have lost (though feel free to cooperate regardless).

Updates will happen randomly, resolving any outstanding actions players have taken. Anyone can join or leave at any time. Those who rejoin will be in the same place that they were when they left.

Special actions:
- Taking note of your surroundings does not require a roll.
- Joining the game (even if you have already played and lost previously) automatically succeeds; the roll simply determines

how

you do so.

Restrictions:
- You cannot take the same action twice in a row. If you try, then you'll probably fail.
- The more you try to do, the bigger the consequences if you fail.
- If multiple actions are submitted before the turn is resolved, I'll ignore everything except the first. Don't be greedy.

Rolls are on a normal die with six sides. The higher the roll, the more successful the action was. The more ambitious the activity is, the harder it is to succeed and the more dire the consequences of failure.

1 - Epic failure. (Opposite of original intention occurs, or whatever is funny.)
2 - Failure.
3 - Marginal success.
4 - Success.
5 - Perfect success.
6 - Overshot.

There is virtually no limit to what you can do. Don't go too far, though; you have a 50% chance of something going wrong, and even a 3 or 4 might not get you very close to what you want. After all, I am the mod, and I can do whatever I like. It generally involves unicorns, and guns.

You begin the game in the ruins of a McDonald's, after multiple unicorn stampedes have destroyed the place. You are clothed, and have a toothbrush in your pocket. Also, Monika is a queen.

[yellowbounder]

I get out of bed.

(3) You get a strange feeling of deja vu. Then you wonder why there is a bed in McDonald's.

Roll to dodge: 1

You go back to sleep. It's cosy.

I find a spellbook.

(6) You find a whole library, containing every book in existence. In case you were wondering, no there are not flesh eating shadow creatures that kill people, and there is not a sentient computer girl in the centre, and there is not a huge moon.

I try and catch a unicorn.

(2) You can't catch a unicorn, just like you can't catch a falling star.

Roll to dodge: 5

A passing unicorn tries to gore you, but luckily it gets bored before it touches you.

I try and track down Ronald McDonald.

(1) He doesn't exist.

I punch MafiaSSK for stealing my line.

(1) You're too busy being naked. Did I mention that you're nude?

Roll to dodge: 3

You are being attacked by a suit. As in, the clothing.

I find my unicorn-huntin' gun.

(2) I think you left it next to your leprechaun harpoon, and your fairy slingshot. But you do have the fairy bow, and the Ocarina of Time! You don't know any songs, before you ask.

I punch bird for punching Mafia SSK.

(6) You batter bird1111 so purple bruise marks appear all over his body. Now he's purple! It suits him.

I don a queen hat.

(6) You put a queen hat on, and put on some queen clothes, and get some queen servants to bring you some queen juice. Made with real queens!

I perform a dance to make everyone happy

(4) Your gyrations are mildly pleasing, but everyone's still down in the dumps of McDonald's.

I reopen the art store.

(3) You've encountered a snag with the tax forms. You can't work out whether you want the Form X12 filled in with a green pen, or a purple highlighter.

I make the end of the toothbrush into a prison shank.

(1) The mod is too busy being astounded that someone read the opening situation to actually process your request.

I become a technomancer

(2) You spend lots of time quoting Neuromancer, and complaining about how the Matrix was just a glorified action film.

I decide to root around for any leftover food.

(3) Most of it's been eaten, apart from a three week old sandwich.

Roll to dodge: 5

Your intuition tells you that eating this sandwich is a bad idea.

I eat a sandwich.

(4) You nick the sandwich out of molestargazer's hands, and wolf it down, damning the consequences.

Roll to dodge: 1

You're pregnant, and you're the father!

I smite a unicorn with my fiery screwdriver.

Also, CFoH does some destroying too, probably.

(3) The Cleansing Fire of Hell is sulking in the corner, and your screwdriver has gone out. You still stab a unicorn a couple of times, but then you attract their attention.

Roll to dodge: 3

The fight's a fairly even one, you can't tell who's going to win. You're down to two healing surges, and you've used most of your encounter powers, but since it's Forth Edition, the monster have infinite abilities.

[yellowbounder]

I find and put on clothes

(6) You were never naked in the first place. However, you decide to put on a couple of extra layers of clothes. After all, your mother always told you that in order to save the world, you had to save the cheerleader. Which somehow involves clothes...

You never did quite get why your mother blathered on about that.

I force everyone to enter my dream world.

(3) A portal opens up to your dream world, but no one is forced to enter it. However, a couple of unicorns do decide to enter, and instantly become hostile when they see you.

Roll to dodge: 2

You are gored by very real unicorns, in your dreams. Those observing your body in the real world, (in a medical sense of course), notice that suddenly your torso is bleeding violently, and you've got about sixteen seconds of consciousness left.

Everybody has to roll to dodge.

(4) Indeed, they shall. Including you.

Roll to dodge: 3

Your teeth are dirty.

Ok then I try to suffocate Korts in unicorn dung.

(2) Unicorns never leave faecal matter in restaurants. They're 23% Sparkle RNA, don't you know?

Roll to dodge: 2

Your face is ugly.

I learn an Ocarina song

(5) You learn the Song of Storms, the Prelude of Light, and the Oath to Order.

Roll to dodge: 1

The skull kid takes your ocarina, and your horse. He's ridden off into that cave!

I bribe Mokina's servants to kill her.

(5) You spend an awful lot of money, and in order to pay back the bank, you have to endure backbreaking labour for the next six years. However, you contract a nasty fungal infection after an incident with a watermelon and a passing doctor, and then have to spend your accumulated cash on surgery to remove your infected kidney, since you didn't get health insurance to save money.

Once you got out of hospital, about six years and three months later, you discover that Monika's reign is very popular with her subjects, and it will take a lot more money than you have accumulated in order to get her assassinated (this has something to with the fact she gives the assassin's guild tax cuts). Thus, you decide to infriltrate the biggest company in the whole kingdom, called Daadle, a very reputable internet company. Over the next twelve years, you rise up the ranks of this company, slowly becoming more and more influential, and more and more rich, until you have more power and control over people than Queen Monika I herself does.

You then fund the money into long term premium bonds, as well as investing in the market over the course of about six months. However, disaster strikes as the sub-optimious-prime mortgage crisis destroys all your accumulated funds, and makes you, and Daadle look very silly in the process.

Eventually, twenty seven years after you started, you are a broken person, with only one hundred and two dollars to your name.

You then give one hundred dollars to a footman to cut Monika's brakes.

Roll to dodge: 1

For some reason, even though you've aged twenty seven years, everyone else is okay!

I befriend a unicorn.

(4) You spend a lot of time with a blue unicorn called Douglas, and learn a lot about unicorn culture. Unfortunately, your time together is cut short when he passes away in a freak restaurant accident.

Roll to dodge: 2

You're a bit upset. You're also ugly.

I go on a unicorn killing spree with my +2 Spork of Stabbity death.

(5) You spend your time hunting down a blue unicorn called Douglas, and eventually execute him, just because he's a unicorn. You bribe the authorities into calling it a "freak restaurant accident", and gloat in an evil fashion.

Roll to dodge: 6

You're okay, I guess.

I punch animorpherv1 for punching bird1111 for punching MafiaSSK.

(1) You feel kind of fond of animorpherv1, actually. His eyes are so cute.

Roll to dodge: 4

Romantic music starts playing, and is abruptly halted when bird1111 continues to dance.

I grab the largest spellbook.

(1) You grab the smallest cookbook. It's called "How to Serve Man".

Roll to dodge: 4

It's made of people!

I compare Mokina and Monika.

(6) They're basically the same thing, except Monika is a nickname.

Roll to dodge: 2

That doesn't need a prosthetic stomach.

I summon my undead bear army.

(3) You summon your army of bears, who proceed to talk to each other, and slowly become happy as they find their soul mates.

Roll to dodge: 4

You find your soul mate, but he is taken away by a bird. As in, vulture.

I kill Natirasha's army of bears.

Sorry, I hate bears.

(3) Your hatred of the bear culture knows no bounds, and you start systematically executing them, by dressing up as a vulture, and getting a jet pack. You haven't thought it through beyond that.

Roll to dodge: 1

This costume's stuck to your body!

I cast a spell to summon a throne and army. With my trusty toothbrush. Yeah.

(6) You have six thrones, and six armies. One for each of your golden diamond encrusted crowns.

Your toothbrush is actually a royal toothbrush, which is like an ordinary toothbrush, except more posh.

Roll to dodge: 6

You're tall.

I leave McDonalds, and go to the nearest restaurant that has a pinball machine.

(2) You sit by yourself in the corner.

Roll to dodge: 4

Can I haz cheezeburger?

[yellowbounder]

I ask people for help with replacement with my Roll to Dodge based mafia game.

[yellowbounder]

I transfer my soul to the unicorn.

(5) Your soul is transferred into Douglas' dead body. It is uncomfortably cold, and wet.

I eat some vitamins.

(2) You decide to eat McDonald's food.

I go into the cave that skull kid just entered.

(3) You chase him, but are unable to stop yourself falling down a chasm. Strange lights fly past you, forming images of masks that you may encounter in the future. Then you land on a flower.

Roll to dodge: 1

The skull kid has turned you into a deku scrub. You look like a plant, except rather cute.

Yet again I try to grab the largest spellbook.

(5) You nearly grab it, but then you remember that repeated actions irritate the mod. So instead, you decide to hum.

Roll to dodge: 4

By the way, there's a mouse on your head.

teehee.. I learn to fly

(1) You put on some more clothes. In fact, your latest invention is using the power of static electricity to attract clothes to you. In essence, any piece of clothing is drawn towards you.

This took a period of about three weeks to research, but instead of researching it yourself, you instead nick it off Wikipedia.

Roll to dodge: 2

Can anyone spell "human snowball"? You start rolling.

I wish Kairyuu a happy birthday.

(1) You defenestrate his face. With an axe.

I try, again, prodding CFoH into action, seeing as last time it didn't work...

(6) He starts including you as a legitimate target, and then starts

cleaning fire

, a 3rd Level Encounter power.

Roll to dodge: 12 + Dex Modifier

You're just missed, but your hair is singed. Now your hair dye has burnt off, your naturally purple hair is revealed.

i turn on the gas at McDonalds, run outside, and toss a lit lighter into the restaurant.

(1) You shut yourself in the oven, because it's toasty.

Roll to dodge: 1

Can you smell something burning?

I change my class to necromancer

(3) You change necromancy to your major, but you're still attending drama classes.

I explode.

(2) You sulk in the corner, like most anti-social people do.

I dance.

(4) You do.

I stand on xelada's head.

(2) It's too small.

I carefully, carefully inspect my brakes. Haha meta.

(5) You do not even have to inspect them yourself, your loyal servant does it instead. He informs you that the brakes are cut, and then summons the helicopter. Why didn't you use the helicopter initially? Some things no one can answer.

I check to make sure there's no unicorns still rampaging in my immediate vicinity.

(1) You're blind again. How tiresome.

DOUGLAS!

I revive Douglas from the dead using a spellbook from MafiaSSK's library.

(6) You revive two Douglases. Now you spend the forty five minutes episode debating which one is the "real" one.

I, still covered in blood from my murder of Douglass, snap skitzer's neck as he looks through his spellbook, killing him instantly.

(6) You snap skitzer's neck. Unfortunately, it just rotates three hundred and sixty degrees, and turns back. Then you stab one of the Douglases, and the other spends a lot of time moping about whether he was the original.

I dance with bird

(3) You two are now the official RtD2 couple.

I walk across the road to the aforementioned Library, finding the above horrific scene.

(4) It's not that horrific actually. More gruesome.

I ask people for help with replacement with my Roll to Dodge based mafia game.

(1) No one cares!

Roll to dodge: 3

It would be great if people helped out.

patience, good flavor takes time to brew

You give me far too much credit.

[yellowbounder]

I being able to read spellbooks from the outside cast a spell to protect me from any attacks.

(6) You can see only the inside out! All you see when you look at people is darkness, and the vague sensation of warm things! That's probably because it's dark inside people.

However, magical spellbooks are renowned for glowing on the inside when they're shut, and only when they're shut. That's how people can tell the difference between normal books, and books of such untold power that their head would explode if they comprehended a fraction of the magic that lay within.

Roll to dodge: 3

Your head explodes, but only a little. It's more like a huge burst of blood surges out of your nose and ears, and you start whimpering like a small child. But you can still see the awesome magic of the Tome of Lightweights.

Calling upon the ancient art of Rug-Bee, you chant nonsense syllables, wave your arms in confusing patterns, and cover everything you can reach in chalk. That's not part of the spell, but it looks cool.

Finally, when you complete the summoning of the elderitch energies, they surge through your mortal flesh, surrounding you in an unholy halo of green fire that causes anything to touch it to be turned into dust.

Technically, it's not dust, it's more fossilised mouse poo. But you wizards don't tell people that. It's a lot less threatening to threaten to turn someone to mouse poo, than dust.

Trust me. I know these things. Did I mention that you can only see from the inside out?

I go to heaven.

(4) You go to the Heaven night club, a nice place where sensible people go to drink large quantities of water, and eat healthy food. It's a bit extravagant for your tastes, especially since everyone seems to want to pet and stroke you.

Then you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, and realise that you're inhabiting the body of Douglas, the ancient unicorn friend of skitzer. You start having identity issues, and pay no attention to all the people wanting to stroke your unicorn hair.

Trust me, you're irresistible, but only in a fluffy puppy way.

i go to hell

(1) You decide to work at IKEA.

Trust me, it'll be good for you. Better than sitting in this oven, anyway.

Roll to dodge: 2

Your hair is starting to singe. Trust me, it's not worth hair follicle reconstructive surgery.

MafiaSSK's cells decide to stop working. Without me having anything to do with it.

While you're dancing a passionate dance with pacman281292, you think about how lovely to settle down, and raise a family. Obviously, this family wouldn't last very long before being gored by unicorns, but it's a nice thought.

Roll to dodge: 2

You innocently glance over at MafiaSSK, who appears to be a burning effigy, apart from the fact he's bleeding. You don't think his cells are dying, but he's probably in a great deal of pain.

Trust me, you feel a tiny bit guilty.

I put hasdgfas in an aquarium.

(6) You ensure that at least a quarter of his extended quest involves a contaminated ocean, a mysterious singer's eggs, a weird mad scientist, female pirates, and a turtle with a palm tree on it's back.

Roll to dodge: 3

*du de doo* You learned the Song of Copyright Infringement!

Trust me, you should play it.

Predictibly, I GO TO THE CHOPPA.

(1) It's taking a long time to get here, it must be stuck in traffic.

Roll to dodge: 2

Your footman informs you that there is some sort of plot against your crown. Not you, just the crown on your head.

If the crown were to be destroyed, the monarchy would surely fall! Trust me, this is quite important!

Fast food somehow makes people skinny.

(2) Listen, do you know what "defenestrate" means? It means to chuck out of a window! You just chucked Kairyuu's face out of a window, with an axe!

I mean come on, you looked totally cool! Trust me, that was awesome. Pity you had to cut it off.

I defeat CFoH in an epic battle. There can only be one of us!

(1) Yes, because after all, there can only be one purple haired monstrosity in this universe! First of all, you activate your 7th Level Daily Power,

really big ball of fire

, rolling a 17 vs the CFoH's Fortitude defence.

However, the CFoH effortlessly swallows the fireball, and snaps his fingers, and you can feel reality dissolving and reforming around you!

Roll a saving throw: 9

The Cleaning Fire of Hell, has changed this campaign setting back to 3.5 Edition! All your powers are worthless, since no one has a Reflex defence any more. Trust me, what use is a dragonborn wizard now?

I become a fully fledged necromancer.

(3) You buy lots of skull covered clothing, dress a lot in black, and try to become a very stereotypical looking necromancer, but unfortunately you don't have any powers, apart from to creep people out.

Trust me, it's harder than that to gain power over people's bones.

Me, my clothes, and and anyone else in the way, run straight into a restaurant, we break through the wall, and smother a copule of waitresses. I then turn off my device, filling the restaurant with random pieces of clothing.

(6) Your clothing snowball is uncontrollable, and smashes straight into Heaven, a popular nightclub where people behave themselves.

There is an awful lot of commotion, as people clothes are sucked off their bodies and stuck to your snowball, and other clothes touch the floor, and lose their charge, meaning the clothes that make up your snowball are constantly changing.

The waitresses are so smothered, they are pressed flat as pancakes, but then they stand up, and start shooting them with their tea trays (which is waitress slang for Rocket Launcher).

Trust me, you're causing havoc. By the way, you can't turn it off. You never put a switch in.

I eat food from Burger King.

(3) You decide to check out Heaven, this new nightclub that everyone's talking about. You step outside into the clear night air, and look up at the beautiful splash of stars on the night sky.

However, you take one look at the nightclub, which appears to be some sort of giant sphere of clothing, and decide to go to Burger King.

Trust me, it'll be better for you in the short term.

I square off with the remaining Douglas with my newly enhanced +2

vorpal

spork of stabbity death. Now whenever I roll a natural 20 I get an instant kill.

The only remaining Douglas is inhabited by Pentadragon. But you take one look at the soft fur, and the dewy eyes...

Roll to dodge: 1

Aww, aren't you furry little Douglas? Yes you are, you're so cute, like a button, so fluffy and cuddly and fluffy and cuddly, fluff cuddle, fluddle, fluff.

Trust me, he's gorgeous. But in the kitten way.

I persuade my undead bear lover army to help me overthrow Mokina.

(2) They're far too busy settling down, and raising creepy undead bear children.

However, you do hear this plot to assassinate Monika's crown. That would definitely cause the monarchy to fall!

I set upon installing flesh-eating shadows into the Library. Y'know, to make it more realistic.

(1) You import lots of statues of weeping angels.

Roll to dodge: 2

You are transported back to 1973, and start singing David Bowie songs. Trust me, when a weird girl with a clown starts talking to you, you know you're in a coma.

I use Douglas's magical teleportation powers and warp to the nearest Burger King.

(4) Douglas doesn't seem to be around, so you spend an awful lot of time looking for him. You call in some favours with the military, and in exchange for some DNA, extracted from your eye (which burns, and turns purple for some reason), they locate Douglas with their fancy Ion Cannon Tracking Satellite. They then fire it at Douglas.

Roll to dodge: 6

Wow, that was lucky. You didn't have to run in slow motion, because there was some really big ball of clothes over Douglas' position, which absorbed the shock! Trust me, isn't that handy?

I appear dramatically with blazing lightning and crashing thunder.

(6) You are beamed down, via an ion discharge, and appear in a burning crater, completely naked, so you then spend about ten minutes beating up a biker, before nicking his clothes and bike. You've also got a shotgun.

Trust me, I think you should try to destroy that net in the sky.

After the McDonald's incident a Queen Monika's Servant save my life, since then, my admiration towards Queen Monika's Servants have grown and I'm trying to become one as well.

(4) Noticing that Queen Monika is waiting for a helicopter, you construct one out of the carcass of another helicopter you find in some abandoned military base. You fly it over to her.

Roll to dodge: 3

That's strange, you can't hear any SAM fire.

Trust me, that's weird when that happens in this game.

I shoot a nut at skull kid

(1) You blow a bubble instead. Rather counterintuitively, this makes the skull kid drop some sort of magical instrument, which you then pick up.

Roll to dodge: 6

You remember Queen Monika, who taught you the Song of Time! Trust me, you don't want to play that. Just let the moon hit, it'll be easier.

bump?

(3) I'm afraid not.

Much agreed. BumpBumpBump. C'mon yellowbounder.

(1) No.

I am that which goes /bump in the night, Yellowbounder!

(5) That's nice dear.