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Post Post #2 (isolation #0) » Thu Mar 15, 2012 3:58 pm

Post by AniX »

Reposting. Once again, if you think of an area that should/could be improved, I'll hear it.

Spoiler:
Name: Gwendolyn, Daughter of Elizabeth
Player: AniX
Race: Human

Description: Middle-aged and looks every year of it. She is tall for her gender, standing at 5'9'', a stature aided by a practiced posture making her seem quite a bit bigger. Her body is riddled with calluses and scars but is athletically built, especially considering her age. She wears her blonde hair short, but it is beginning to show signs of graying, especially around the temples. In her younger years she might even have been called attractive. She still might be, especially given her age, except that her eyes have a constant weariness about them and she always seems to be wearing an angry grimace at best, marring whatever beauty she may have or have had.
Gwendolyn usually carries a slightly dull broadsword with a well-worn handle at her hip. She typically wears a tarnished Lorica segmentata with grey wool trousers and brown leather boots. She wears no helmet, but occasionally wears a tattered red cloak trimmed with grey fur over her armor. No matter her attire, she always carries a small satchel with a vial of ink and small, rolled up pieces of parchment inside, hung around her neck and worn under her armor.

Phase 1: If Gwendolyn ever had a happy childhood, she sure doesn't remember it. In fact, the only thing she knew was her first name, whispered to her when she was only 4. It was her earliest memory, being carried in a bundle as tenderly as one can while fleeing, by another person, in hindsight only a child of 10 or 11 herself. Perhaps a sister she never got to know. If it was, she didn't have much of a familial loyalty, because that is the last memory Gwen ever had of her. The rest of the memories are just bitter flashes of growling stomachs, rags as clothing on cold nights, and fighting with other members of the streets and wild animals just to survive into the next night. The only thing that kept her going some nights was playing the memory of the older girl over and over in her head, hearing the same soothing voice deliver its message over and over: “Gwendoyln, everything is going to be alright.”

Aspect: Born in the Red
Unarmed Combat
Intimidation
Survival
Alertness
(4 at 1)

Phase 2: Gwendolyn’s life on the streets, however, was not destined to last forever. One early morning, when she was no more than 10, Gwendolyn was seeking alms when she was approached by a woman calling herself Elizabeth who, while pretty enough had a great weariness in her eyes that made her seem like she had lived decades, although she couldn't have been more than 25 or so. She took Gwen into her home, which was little more than the adjoining home to the local brothel. Despite having little more than Gwen did, she did her best to care for the child, feeding her, clothing her, and educating her, although Elizabeth's own education wasn't the most prestigious. And, most importantly, despite all the men offering more than a small amount of gold to “meet” the young girl as she aged, Elizabeth did her best to shield her from the darker side of the world, cultivating Gwen's talent for drawing and spending what little spending money they had on ink and paper. But despite Elizabeth's efforts to protect Gwen and discourage her from less civilized pursuits, Elizabeth had to do what needed to be done to support them and Gwendolyn still found herself in more than a few occasions where a quick eye and a quicker fist served her well.

Aspect: Raised by the Scarlet
Unarmed Combat
Alertness
Craft (Ink Sketching)
Knowledge (Ill Repute)

(2 at 2, 4 at 1)

Phase 3: Eventually, however, Gwendolyn was 18 and no longer could justify wasting her days scribbling in her mother's, as she had come to call Elizabeth, small bedroom. Elizabeth had sacrificed so much to take her in and support her, it was time for Gwendolyn to do the same. Gwendolyn quickly found her danger sense and hair-trigger reflexes, plus the tenacity and strength years of having to scratch and bite to survive had given her, placed her in a great position to be a guard for the Lawkeeper’s Guild. Cutting her hair short, she set out and, after impressing the hire-ups, earned her sword. While she always favored her fists, she found herself suitably adept with her issued broadsword as well. Eventually, she moved her way up until she was serving in the rich district, protecting merchants and nobles from scoundrels and being paid well for the service. At times, she would run into people she worried might recognize her from her past, but the combination of the helmet, shorter hair, and perhaps their own disinterest in speaking about visiting prostitutes kept her secret just that.

Aspect: Conscripted for the Ruby
Unarmed Combat
Intimidation
Broadsword
Knowledge (Law Enforcement)
(1 at 3, 2 at 2, 5 at 1)

Phase 4: Gwendolyn's destiny, however, was not meant to be separated from that accursed brothel, despite the efforts of both her and Elizabeth to keep them such. On an otherwise normal day protecting the town, word came to Gwendolyn that there was going to be a raid on the “House of Roses”, a “florist shop” that was readily understood to be a cover for a brothel, a understanding Gwendolyn knew was true because it was the place she had spent most of her childhood. At first, she attempted to dissuade the assault, arguing it wasn't causing any trouble and it was best to focus on actual dangers to the community rather than responding to vice with violence. It was then she made her infamous decision: She gave forewarning to the residents she had grown to consider a family. She had hoped they would use the head start to escape, to abandon the home and let the raid bear no fruit. Instead, they decided to buckle down, ready themselves against the assault and prepare to defend all they had for a home if necessary. Gwendolyn managed to get herself assigned to the raid team, but when the battle broke out, she broke rank, attempting one final time to defend what she had left of a family through rhetoric. The raid force pushed on, the residents of the brothel fought back, Gwendolyn got caught in the middle.

Aspect: Shamed by the Crimson
Investigation
Intimidation
Broadsword
Knowledge (Ill Repute)

(2 at 3, 3 at 2, 4 at 1)

Phase 5: Nobody quite remembers what happened; Even to Gwendolyn it was mostly a blur of steel and arrows, but one thing is for sure: When arms were finally laid down, a bloodied but very much alive Gwendolyn exited the building. Only a handful of other survivors followed, most of them residents. One resident, however, though carried out as tenderly as possible by the crying Gwendolyn, did not. While “punishing those responsible” was the political talk of the day and Gwendolyn was considered by pretty much all to be the reason the massacre went down as it did, too many politicians had themselves visited the House to push the issue as far as the crowd wanted. At the very least though, Gwendolyn was dishonorably thrown out of the town guard and shunned and actively antagonized by nearly every member of the population.

Aspect: Condemned by the Cardinal
Investigation
Evasion
Knowledge (Bureaucracy)

EXTRA: Suspect of the “House of the Roses” Massacre

(2 at 3, 4 at 2, 5 at 1)

Phase 6: Jobless, penniless, and a social pariah, Gwendolyn quickly turned to the bottle, figuring that if she couldn't live the life she wanted she might as well forget the life thrust upon her. A few drinks to forget quickly began many drinks to never remember, and Gwendolyn quickly became a scourge in the few bars seedy enough to grant her entry in the first place. Starting arguments, starting fights, skipping out on her bills, she bounce from place to place mostly in a stupor and in clothing dirty and torn from being worn so often. Her moral horizon, however, came when she was tossed from yet another bar. Hungry, tired, and cold, she wandered the night until she ran, almost quite literally, into a gentleman, who offered to allow her entry into his home to rejuvenate herself. Gwendolyn had spent too many years ease-dropping on Elizabeth to not recognize the underlying motives in the man's otherwise unprovoked generosity. And for a moment, for nearly an entire second, she was desperate enough to consider taking the offer anyway. It was at that point she realized what she had become: Such a drunken loser that she was going to betray everything Elizabeth had worked so hard to give her. After departing the “Samaritan” by way of forceful shove, Gwendolyn made a vow: She had nothing left but her memory of Elizabeth and she would be damned if she would tarnish that like she had tarnished everything from her own reputation to the old broadsword she had managed to hold on to. In perhaps one of the most difficult periods of her life, Gwendolyn swore off booze and resisted the temptation, dragging herself back up to at least a level where she could consider herself as Elizabeth's daughter again without feeling she was shaming the name.

Aspect: Corrupted by the Burgundy

Willpower-3

Extra: Traveling by Wagon

(3 at 3, 4 at 2, 5 at 1)

Phase 7: And so a decade passed. Although she had a few slips up with alcohol throughout the years, she never managed to fall as far as she did the first time and managed to keep her dignity about her. Any lingering damage she sustained from the “House of Rose Massacre”, as it had come to be known, had long since passed, although on particularly stressful days she could almost feel herself walking with a limp. The hatred the town held towards her, however, seemed as fresh a wound as ever. She had long ago given up trying to redeem herself. In a way, she blamed herself for what happened to everyone...to Elizabeth. If she had only been educated, smarter and clever, as Elizabeth wanted she could have thought of a way to save everyone that didn't involve bloodshed. If only she had been stronger, she could have prevented herself from falling to the depths she did in the aftermath. She could have protested her sentence, argued her case, anything but let herself be controlled and subjugated by society and ruining all the sacrifices Elizabeth made to keep her independent and free to do as she pleased. But no, instead she allowed herself to be pushed around and now she had to pay for her mistakes, both before and after the massacre. And as each new year dawned, she ever so slightly a little slower, a little weaker, a little bit less able to keep up the physical abuse living each day as an outcast brought. Her physical training began to become modified: It wasn't that she dropped training her fighting skills: She had to, if she wanted to survive. But at the same time, more and more began to focus less on making herself better but on making sure her body kept together, that she held on to the flexibility and strength of youth as long as she possibly could as each day threatened to sap them from her.

Aspect: Holding off the Rust
Alertness
Unarmed Combat
Endurance X 2

(1 at 4, 3 at 3, 4 at 2, 5 at 1)

Phase 8: So now here stands Gwendolyn, a broken but not beaten shell of what she could have been. Hopping from town to town, doing what she had to survive around people who didn't wanted her. Way past her prime and too old to learn anything new, but still forced to scrape by. She doesn't know where she is going. She has no friends, no family, everyone who knows her hates her or fears her, usually both in equal parts. She has no professional skills or at least none her conscience will let her ply. But even when she had nothing in her stomach and barely had enough money to buy the most meager crumb, she made sure she had ink and paper on her. After all, Elizabeth loved art.

Aspect: Haunted by the Rose
Craft (Ink Sketching)
Craft (Metalworking)
Endurance
Intimidation

(2 at 4, 3 at 3, 4 at 2, 5 at 1)

Fate Points: 4

Goal: To avoid letting her cynicism and increasing desperation draw her into giving into temptation and letting go of her morality. She has mostly given up hope of achieving her original goal of redeeming herself, but given the right circumstances it might revive inside her.

Equipment:

Basic Broadsword X 1

Aspects:

Human
Born in the Red
Raised by the Scarlet
Conscripted for the Ruby
Shamed by the Crimson
Condemned by the Cardinal
Comforted by the Burgundy
Holding off the Rust
Haunted by the Rose

Skills:

Language (Trade)- 4 (Racial Skill)
Intimidation- 4
Unarmed Combat-4
Alertness-3
Willpower-3
Endurance-3
Investigation- 2
Craft (Ink Sketching)-2
Broadsword-2
Knowledge (Ill Repute)-2
Knowledge (Law Enforcement)-1
Knowledge (Bureaucracy)-1
Survival-1
Craft (Metalworking)-1
Evasion-1

Extras:

EXTRA-1
EXTRA-1

EXTRA: Suspect of the “House of the Roses” Massacre- Pretty much everyone who hasn't been living under a rock has heard of the corrupt guard responsible for the deaths of nearly 20 town guards (and countless women, though nobody cares about THAT). What is known varies from person to person, ranging from believing she merely received bribe money to her being the operator of the brothel or even her being an employee of the establishment herself. Even on the night in question, accounts vary, with chargers ranging from her issuing a warning to her personally killing the guards with her own hands. Anyone who has an interest in this sort of scandal should know her name and general appearance. Anyone who was a direct witness to the proceedings or has a heightened level of interest (Someone who knew her from before, A frequent customer of the brothel, a family member of one of the deceased guards, a traveling bard thinking it makes a good tale, a scout for a noble sent to report on it, etc.) should be able to recognize her on sight.

EXTRA: Traveling by Wagon- Gwendolyn, for many years after the Massacre, began to use alcohol as a coping mechanism and falls back on old habits when in trying situations. The more stressful or upsetting a situation a situation is, the more likely she will be drawn to drink, and once she drinks she will be tempted to have more and more drinks, even when the situation is no longer as dire. (Basically, She has to roll a Willpower check when she gets upset if she is stressed and sees alcohol, and if she fails that save she has to succeed on a Willpower check to “snap out” of it, with each failed save making the difficulty stronger. This series of checks to snap out automatically trigger if she ingests alcohol other than by being compelled [IE. Tricked into drinking, mistakenly drinks, etc.])
Official Gimmick List:
INVENTOR OF UPICK!
LORD OF THE 11TH HOUR!
ASEXUAL!
KING SCAR APOLOGIST!
DREAMER OF THE NE0N DREAM (SUPP 2021 LAST PLACE WINNER)!


I have donned the
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Post Post #4 (isolation #1) » Mon Mar 19, 2012 1:22 pm

Post by AniX »

I think you'd do well to consider more the testability of your skills. Skills are meant to be things you roll for when you are confronted with a challenge. In what situation would you need (or be able) to roll Family, as an example? Or Respect for Nature?

Here are the ones I think you'd do best to reconsider:
Open-mindedness, Knowledge, Curiosity and Studiousness: I would just combine these into a general Academics skill, with any particular strengths he has being represented by a Knowledge skill. [IE. Knowledge (Math/Science/Alchemy/Music/ETC.)]
Knowledge and Respect for Nature: If you wan to be particularly versed in Nature, just make it a Knowledge skill [Knowledge (Nature)]
Conversation and Confidence: Combine these into one speaking skill (Call it whatever you like. Keep it as Conversation or call it Rapport or Rhetoric or whatever strikes your fancy)
Family- Get rid of this. Unless you wanted him to have a wide extended family he can call upon at hours of need (which doesn't seem to be your intent)
Official Gimmick List:
INVENTOR OF UPICK!
LORD OF THE 11TH HOUR!
ASEXUAL!
KING SCAR APOLOGIST!
DREAMER OF THE NE0N DREAM (SUPP 2021 LAST PLACE WINNER)!


I have donned the
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Post Post #11 (isolation #2) » Tue Mar 20, 2012 7:20 am

Post by AniX »

Money, I think, is going to be handled separately and aren't included in skills/aspects/extras. Everything else seems much improved though.
Official Gimmick List:
INVENTOR OF UPICK!
LORD OF THE 11TH HOUR!
ASEXUAL!
KING SCAR APOLOGIST!
DREAMER OF THE NE0N DREAM (SUPP 2021 LAST PLACE WINNER)!


I have donned the
RED CROWN
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Post Post #13 (isolation #3) » Tue Mar 20, 2012 9:14 am

Post by AniX »

Even if it is handled as a skill, it is going to need to be handled like the quasi-skills the races get as bonuses and not as skills one invests in. Otherwise there is absolutely no reason not to take more aspects: You get more aspects AND more skills, including the ability to take the Money skill. There would be zero advantage for one to take anything less than the full 8.
Official Gimmick List:
INVENTOR OF UPICK!
LORD OF THE 11TH HOUR!
ASEXUAL!
KING SCAR APOLOGIST!
DREAMER OF THE NE0N DREAM (SUPP 2021 LAST PLACE WINNER)!


I have donned the
RED CROWN
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Post Post #47 (isolation #4) » Thu Mar 21, 2013 8:15 pm

Post by AniX »

Ummm...not to be that guy but you do realize you have built a modern character for a fantasy pre-industrial RP, right?

Not to mention your aspects are ENTIRELY uninvokable. At what point would you ever go "Ah, Octave, Perfect 8th (A, A) is very relevant to this roll." or would a DM ever go "Well, one of your aspects is Octave, Perfect 8th (A, A), so I'm going to force you to conform to it and give you a fate point."
Official Gimmick List:
INVENTOR OF UPICK!
LORD OF THE 11TH HOUR!
ASEXUAL!
KING SCAR APOLOGIST!
DREAMER OF THE NE0N DREAM (SUPP 2021 LAST PLACE WINNER)!


I have donned the
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Post Post #54 (isolation #5) » Fri Mar 22, 2013 1:41 pm

Post by AniX »

I mean, no offense, friend, but if you aren't couldn't pick up that this is a fantasy game most certainly not set in the modern world your reading comprehension or your ability to read beyond a single thread needs to be improved. Potentially both. You have a strong argument on the mechanics themselves: It is confusing for everyone. But the setting is the most straight-forward part, and if you don't put in the effort to read the relevant threads you'll have no hope of success in a RPG based off reading threads.

Not to say your concept is bad. I think it is a incredibly well-written character sheet for a different game.
Official Gimmick List:
INVENTOR OF UPICK!
LORD OF THE 11TH HOUR!
ASEXUAL!
KING SCAR APOLOGIST!
DREAMER OF THE NE0N DREAM (SUPP 2021 LAST PLACE WINNER)!


I have donned the
RED CROWN
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Post Post #55 (isolation #6) » Fri Mar 22, 2013 1:48 pm

Post by AniX »

Also, unrelated, but the skills tree requires that you have at least 1 more on a lower level number than a higher level.

For example:
If you want one 5 skill, you have to have at least two 4 skills

If you want two 4 skills, you have to have at least three 3 skills

If you want three 3 skills, you need to have four 2 skills.

If you want four 2 skills, you have to have five 1 skills.

Adjust for desired numbers and you have yourself a skill tree.
Official Gimmick List:
INVENTOR OF UPICK!
LORD OF THE 11TH HOUR!
ASEXUAL!
KING SCAR APOLOGIST!
DREAMER OF THE NE0N DREAM (SUPP 2021 LAST PLACE WINNER)!


I have donned the
RED CROWN

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